Hey B - not gonna lie, but the most difficult aspect of all of this for me has been having my time with the kids cut in half. I think I can move past whatever W has done, but this is the one piece that I am not sure I will be able to ever get past.
Even though I know that I probably won't ever get past it, I knew that I had to figure out how to cope with this. What J said is totally a positive way of having a healthy coping mechanism.
I also promised myself that I would not waste my time when the kids were not with me. I would do everything in that time to make sure I was growing and making positive changes to become the person I desired to become, and have massive successful outcomes as a parent. And when the kids are with me, I would make sure my time with them was filled with love, joy, and strengthening our relationship. My kids absolutely adore the time they have with me and we have become so much closer now. I have totally improved as a parent and my kids love being around me and we do amazing things together.
So, instead of looking at this as a half empty situation, look at it like how you can squeeze everything out of every second they are with you. Write down a list of what you want your kids to remember about you when you leave this world and then follow through on that.
I am investing in myself every day and I double down on that when they are away from me. Do that and you'll hold your head up high.
Listen, the pain is real and there will always be that ache. But when you maximize 150% of life when they are with you and go the same when they are not, you will be unstoppable. People say it gets easier over time. My take is that it doesn't get easier over time, you just invest in positive coping mechanisms so that you don't fall apart. That investment increases your resilience and will also do the same for your kids - you can show them that they can grow from this situation as well. Be that rock for them. Shower them with love and affection. Listen to them. Laugh and have fun with them. Read to them. Play silly games with them. Give them space to be independent and accept them for who they are. Support them through the hard times and let them figure out solutions to challenges with you being there as support. If you do all of that, you've already won the parenting game compared to most people.
I don't let my ache drag me down. I use my ache to muscle up and grow.
