I have ordered NMMNG and will begin reading when it arrives.
Good, because....
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QUESTION: I don't want to be a Mr. NG any longer. What are the best steps to accomplish this knowing that this is going to enrage my W?
I think maybe you misunderstand NGS. The book isn't about how nice guys are too nice and therefore doormats and need to fix that, the book is about how the whole "nice guy" thing is really a cover for controlling and manipulation. Nice guys are also quite passive/aggressive. On the surface they appear to be nice and friendly, but in a long term relationship their controlling tactics slowly wear their partner down until it gets to the point where the partner just can't take it any more. A LOT of the men ending up here are full blown nice guys (I was one). The book is a revelation for many of us because we don't know we are controlling and manipulating and passive/aggressive. But once you read it you recognize it in yourself, you can do something about it. If you correct NGS then your W will not be enraged, she will be pleased. I'm not saying it will save your M but her reaction will definitely not be a negative one.
I'm not saying all nice guys have NGS, the nice guys as described in the book may or may not be you or other "nice" guys you know. But I think just about everyone can learn something from the book, even if someone doesn't have full blown NGS they can probably still recognize unhealthy personal patterns in reading it.
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My W doesn't want to be married to me. Why is she still there? This is showing my D that she should remain in a bad relationship that she doesn't want to be in, for MONTHS, even years, sleep in the same bed, interact socially occasionally, have family dinners, etc.
What is this showing my D about life, relationships, self-esteem, dignity, respect, responsibility, etc?
This is very disturbing to me and I am very concerned.
Not sure what you find "disturbing" about her staying, do you think it would be better for your D if your W left?
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Again, my issues are that I don't know how to do this and picking the best path. I know there is only a 50/50 at best shot of getting this to work. Knowing that, there are going to be many, many paths to choose along the way, and they will change. I need to learn how to recognize which is correct for the long term, and not just which one is good to "keep the peace" for now.
Just understand that it took your W years to become a WAW and no one thing you do now is going to matter. The aggregate of all that you do does matter over the long haul, but no one thing is going to make or break things. So don't sweat daily decisions. You'll make some good ones and some bad ones, just learn from the bad ones and keep moving forward.
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QUESTION: If Limbo is a gift, how is pushing it a different way going to help better?
I think "limbo" is absolutely the wrong word for any LBS to use. If you are in limbo then you completely misunderstand DB'ing. The whole point of DB'ing is to NOT be in limbo. Does getting out, getting a life, becoming strong and indepedendent, being a great father to your kids sound like being stuck in limbo? Limbo isn't a "gift", it's a curse. It'll slowly kill you. Standing for your M doesn't mean camping out in limbo, it just means branching off into a new independent life in all ways EXCEPT pursuing a new mate.
