Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

My Previous Thread

I know it had to be close to time for a new thread - even though due to length I'm sure I'm still short of 100. Whatever, I figured I needed a new title anyhow - sort of the theme to start out with.

I in some ways hate to admit it, but I'm getting back to what I'd say was my "normal" self - or at least the self I am most happy being. I don't hate to admit that I'm getting back there - but hate a bit to admit that Wild Girl is a part of why - perhaps a big part of why. I really was and am happy by myself but I'd be lying if I didn't admit the past couple of months have been A LOT of fun! I'm feeling like I used to - much more confident, much more outgoing, just happier. It has been a needed confidence boost. Of course at this point I'm getting only the good parts of this budding R - no real downside. We all know the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever.

Not all too much to report on WG. I've not seen her since a week ago and our last phone conversation was this past Thursday night. I just got done last last night with a somewhat unprecedented seven gigs over the last five days. I'm sure I put on nearly 750 miles or at least close???, but I'm not as worn out as I thought I might be. WG's mother had a milestone birthday on Friday so I got the band to sing happy birthday to her on a short video that WG delivered at a family gathering. I think I got some major points for that! We've texted since but with me being busy that's been very light as well. I do have to say that she is perfectly great at doing her own thing. She's not said one word about the fact that I've gotten busy. She went to a friends house yesterday and out to a waterpark with female family today - just the girls.

I ran into her aunt - this is the lady I've known for 25 years - on Thursday. She said next to nothing about me seeing Wild Girl. I brought it up as WG texted just as I was speaking with her aunt. Makes me wonder, however... was she just being respectful and not prying? Why did I almost get the sense that if she didn't feel in the middle or this being family, she might try to warn me??? Is that just me? I really did get that feeling though as she is often somewhat outspoken and honest/blunt. Even when I brought up a previous event that I went to WG's house afterwards, she nearly ignored the comment. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? Just got that feeling. Interesting.

I also can sense WG needs a bit of distance again. This is clearly a pattern every time we get a little closer, she needs to take a step back. It's getting more obvious to me. We made some plans for a month from now with her suggesting we "hang out" for three days. I've purchased the tickets, so it's set. We also talked about some other future plans. Later in Thursday's conversation she expressed how she feels lucky that she is getting to know me, I would have to imagine her parents and others at the birthday party Friday commented that this guy (me) would take the time to create and send a happy birthday video for her mom. Of course the guys in the band then started asking more about her as well - given what I asked them to do. They all think I should have asked her to go on the cruise by now - especially after seeing her picture, but it's been "only" 2 months - a little less than, actually. To me that is hardly nothing. Not sure everyone sees things the way I do.

So, we will see how this week goes. It sounds like her parents, aunt and certainly many of my friends will be at our state fair a week from today. We perform there for several days. I think Wild Girl and her daughters may come as well - though still just talking about it. I know someone will let it slip about the cruise so I may at least talk with her about it prior - just like I warned her that the band leader will likely call her my girlfriend - it's just some of the banter we do from the stage - anyone female who knows someone in the band or requests a song, etc., becomes one of our "girlfriends" - it's a little bit flirty and makes them feel important - no matter if they are 10 or 90.

Anyhow, my point is, I'm still very surprised that I may have found someone as cautious and slow moving as I am - or is it just an act on her part? May be a little bit of both? I too tend to need to take a step back or have a little space if things start getting closer quickly. In this case, she's doing it for us - which I have little doubt is keeping my interest. If she were not, what might I be saying here to everyone? Hey, I admit it - I am who I am and I move very slow and am very cautious - with EVERYTHING I DO - it's not just women, it's business, friendships, etc. Yet, I'm already more interested in WG than I ever thought I would be. I even admitted that to her. I never thought when I pursued her a couple of months ago at that event that we'd become intimate (sexually) and be communicating and getting together as much as we have. Then again, since it's been nearly 5 years... I'd say I'm past due.

I'll close with this, it's amazing how Wild Girl's actions are keeping me engaged and building my interest. If she were getting clingy or weird by now, if she were all "You have to work, I really want to see you, I really miss you." at least at this point I'd be cautious. Instead, she just goes about her life. If I text, she responds pretty quickly or calls or whatever but she just lives her life and acts like she is very confident with or without me. It's a very attractive quality and is keeping my interest. I'm trying not to worry about the red flags, the age, or anything else and just going with it as I'm clearly enjoying it. And that's something that sort of hit me a week or two back... I think a lot of this comes down to how Wild Girl makes me feel. She's just a lot of fun, I'm super comfortable and totally myself with her, but she makes me feel good... makes me feel like my old self. That's something that many of the others did not do. Yeah, she's still outside of my typical box and there are some potential downsides, but it's still a nice feeling. Hopefully it stays that way - for both of us.