Advice on my scenario pt. 20-Shock Therapy

[OrangeK]

Some of it is so that they can tell people "He divorced me."

This was my guess, part of playing the Victim. Fits like a glove.

So it was likely a goal of hers, when she made her grand announcement "I WANT A DIVORCE!" that YOU would file. That you would do the paperwork. That all she would have to do is NOT contest it. And show up at court hearings. Does that jive with the rest of your marriage? Were you the doer? Did she sit back and say things like "I think we should do this." Or "I think we should plan this." And then leave the DOING and PLANNING to you?

First part i agree, she just didnt want to pay to file or do the work.
2nd Part, depends. She did all the wedding planning, also took care of things like Dr. Bills.
I planned our HoneyMoon. I did all our Apartment Searching and appointment setting therein.
I would say the "Planning / Doing" was about 70%/30% (me 70%)

On your second post the answer is easy, but you won't like it: You still aren't detached. At least not fully. And as you loosen your grip on the rope you start getting anxious about the rope actually releasing from your hand. So you start to feel it slip and you tighten your grip. You might not fully readjust to where you had it gripped before, but you haven't fully let go of it yet either. There is no other explanation. When the thought of all of this being over is a relief, and you just want to move on with life without her, then you will know you are fully emotionally detached. Joseph9 is an excellent resource for this. I would confer with him on this finally bit of letting that rope go.

I agree. I am not fully detached. There are times I like to think I am, but I am not. Josephs has been invaluable in keeping me in line with detaching.
Maybe I am just letting the rope out slowly instead of dropping it.
Belay habits (Right Makia?)

I think I am afraid to drop the rope 100%.
I think in the back of my mind I may fear dropping the rope right when the losses hit her (hence my asking about Losses earlier today).
Like if i were to finally fully detach, and she wants to start talking R, and I think I fear that FINAL sense of Loss, that it really is 100% done, dead and gone.

Which again brings up the juxtaposition. Logically I WANT This to happen. It is fully detachment.
I have realized I dont cope well with Change.
Fully letting go of the rope would be acknowledging that its all dead and gone, and change is happening.
But in my deep soul i Know all she has to offer is more abuse and lies.

One of my best friends returned from traveling yesterday and had good advice when he told me to stop talking about her (i was filing him in on 3 months worth of recent events)
He said
"its like when i am traveling and need to REMEMBER to speak the local language. Its so comfortable and natural to speak English, but it doesn't work, so i have to try and remember ahead of time to speak Spanish. You need to do the same thing about talking / thinking about her"
Wisdom.