I'm sure. She hasn't been to interested in O lately. And I don't know why. But then, she's never been THAT interested...always moves my hand away when I try to add a little stimulation while ML...and it's just not something that we seem to be able to discuss.
Quote: I think this is another area in which things are even worse for HD women than HD men because a lot of female fantasies involve being dominated in some way and it is pretty tricky to pull that off with a LDH.
So true, so true! I have (several times) told my husband how I'd love it if he just pulled me up the stairs one night and ripped my clothes off. Alas...you know the end of that story, I'm sure. The only "ripping" I've experienced is ripping another kleenex out of the box as I sniffle my lonely way to sleep once more.
I've also asked him what his fantasies are but he swears he has none. Doubtful. More likely he is too shy to tell me. Too bad, 'cuz I'm game to try just about anything.
Quote: I wonder...what if he really meant what he said? What if he were really trying to be open, but felt tense about it, and was chattering as a way to relieve stress and "keep it light"?
He definitely does not make small talk when he's in the mood (like, when he initiates). So I think in a sense you are right - that the chit-chat helps him with the tension. It is really a turn-off for me, though.
I have a pretty good idea what my husband's #1 fantasy is but since I'm not about to do it with another woman in front of him, this information serves no purpose. I have had some limited success in initiating by thinking up fantasies I think he would appreciate and sharing them with him. The one involving his motorcycle was most successful. (LOL) I also got some useful info by asking him to show me what pictures in his porn mags he finds most erotic. Unfortunately,it will probably take me about 2 years of yoga training to gain that level of flexibility
One hopeful sign: He said one of the reasons he would like me to lose some weight is so he could flip me around more easily!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I have a pretty good idea what my husband's #1 fantasy is but since I'm not about to do it with another woman in front of him, this information serves no purpose.
Are you implying that you would do it with another woman away from him?
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Jonathan, I wouldn't assume that she wanted to talk about the grocery list or whatever, but what if she needs talking to maintain the connection to you? Maybe the silence is too much for her...it proves (in her mind) that you are all about the sex and physical release because you are not interacting with HER. Now, I like dirty talk during sex...your wife would probably not go for that, but I think you could accomodate her need for verbal communication while still not talking about the new curtains she just bought.
For instance, you could tell her how much you love her. How pretty she is. How close you feel to her. That she is everything to you. How good she feels. That you could do this forever. Ask her questions, for a change in pace: Do you like it fast like this, or slower like this?
In other words, engage her in the process. She might NEED this to really get a lot out of the session and you might have to deliver this, even though you'd rather be quiet and enjoy the moment. Give and take, that's what it's all about and I know you'd give her anything she wished for, if it would help her enjoy sex more!
What I am trying to convey is that maybe you misunderstood her need for more communication during sex? It is worth exploring, when you finally do smash the Six Year Drought all to bits.
Quote: I wouldn't assume that she wanted to talk about the grocery list or whatever, but what if she needs talking to maintain the connection to you? Maybe the silence is too much for her...it proves (in her mind) that you are all about the sex and physical release because you are not interacting with HER.
You're probably right. For me, there are things beyond words. When I light a fire in the fireplace, or sit under the stars, I really don't want to talk, I just want to drink it all in. But my wife sees either of these as a good time to talk. Now I would feel closer to her sitting in silence together, but if I want her to enjoy it, I need to talk with her.
But what on earth would I talk about? You give me some tips...
Quote: Now, I like dirty talk during sex...
Frankly, I'm not sure I would even know how!
Quote: your wife would probably not go for that
That's a safe bet...
Quote: For instance, you could tell her how much you love her. How pretty she is. How close you feel to her. That she is everything to you. How good she feels. That you could do this forever. Ask her questions, for a change in pace: Do you like it fast like this, or slower like this?
Having a list of things that I can talk about would certainly help. You know, I never thought to ask her what kinds of things she would like to talk about. I mean, the topic always came up in the heat of the moment, and she'd say something like, "talk to me", and I'm like, "about what?", and she's moved to some other universe in the meantime.
Quote: In other words, engage her in the process. She might NEED this to really get a lot out of the session and you might have to deliver this, even though you'd rather be quiet and enjoy the moment. Give and take, that's what it's all about and I know you'd give her anything she wished for, if it would help her enjoy sex more!
I think this is really good advice. I'll try it when I get a chance. But...it's going to take some thinking, and I may want to even write up a bunch of things I can say ahead of time.
Hmmm...sometimes when I'm preparing for a difficult conversation with my wife I ask someone to help me role play to prepare. I don't think that's a good idea with this one ;->
Jonathan
What I am trying to convey is that maybe you misunderstood her need for more communication during sex? It is worth exploring, when you finally do smash the Six Year Drought all to bits.
