Detaching / Dbing... Can I get to Piecing?

[sandi2]

One question I do have. If I am not available to her how do I act if / when she starts pursuing... still not make plans or go out with her, unless she wants to commit to working on the marriage?

Don't show much interest, b/c why should you, right? This woman hurt you. This woman dumped you. So, why would you want anything to do with her? (That's kind of the attitude to have.) You don't act like a jerk or anything. If she wants to go get drinks, for example, just make up some lame excuse. Have you never had a girl pursue you that you didn't want to date? That's how.

If she should hint at the possibility of the two of you going on a date, you can say something like, "It's tempting, but I learned not to touch a hot stove twice". That should drive the point. Of course you could just ask why. See what she says. If she says anything about wanting to maintain a good relationship, remain friends, or any other b.s.……….tell her you aren't interested. B/c she is just wanting a gay boyfriend in you! Don't play with her games.

She needs to convince you that she wants to "work" toward reconciling the MR. Why else would you want to take her out to dinner? She needs to get real with you, b/c you aren't going to play that game. You can date other women, if you want to go out. Right? Here's the thing.....once she convinces you that she wants to work through the issues and is willing to end all contact with her OM, go to counseling, or whatever, then you can start going out. Otherwise, you aren't in competition with the OM, and you aren't that hard up for a date! And, BTW, don't try to put the right words in her mouth, like I've seen other guys do. She has to figure this out for herself. She has to work to get you back.

It's all about your attitude. That is what shines.