Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

I had a text exchange with W tonight to set up exchange for our son tomorrow. I requested an earlier time than we've done before (about 30 min earlier). She asked where, and I said either our house or the "halfway" point we have been using. She asked me how long it took me to get to the halfway point. I knew where this was going but told her 45-60min. She said it was taking her 1.5 hours and asked if I would drive further. I wanted to hold my ground, so I said I couldn't tomorrow. She asked what was going on tomorrow. I didn't want to start an argument about whose time was more important, so I ignored that question and just said we should meet at the usual halfway point and that I was reading son a bedtime story at the moment. She agreed and that put the issue to rest for now. I don't think I could have had that interaction face to face with her without it turning sour (I would have been pretty stony, as I have been more often with W since she moved out). I expect her to keep asking me to drive further in the future. She's been doing more of the driving than I have, but I don't think it is my responsibility to make the driving time equal. She is not my priority any more.

I don't want this conflict to turn son into a gamepiece. It already feels like that with handing him over to each other for exchanges: here you go, your turn! I don't want that to be his experience growing up, switching between two lives, one with a mom and one with a dad. That's why I want to start calling him while he is with W during the week.

When I drop off son tomorrow I plan on telling W that I want to call son this week, so she knows I will be calling and we can agree on a time for that. I'm sure she won't object to me talking to son, but I have a fear that she will suspect I am really calling to check up on her (I'm not, and I would just call son directly if he wasn't only 4). I haven't called son while he's been with W since she moved out, and she hasn't called him while he's been with me either.