sjohn, just a quick note as I checked on your thread and am sure you are hurting and like me desperately looking for replies! : )

What a story! Wow! They really do get confused. I would be terrified to let my kids go on a plane with H actually. Sounds like your W is really a wreck and that your kids were so miserable, my heart was breaking for them going through all that on top of everything else. I know it will make them strong and patient but gosh does it hurt.

Your last paragraph, if you read it on any of our threads, would elicit a response from a really nice guy named sjohn reminding us that it has NOTHING TO DO WITH US, and that the more you think about what a great guy you are and how it makes no sense, the farther you will get from accepting that it isn't you and there's nothing you can do. I have the exact same spirals as you do but when I see it on your thread, I'm thinking, poor you, because you are still allowing your mind to go there.

Just today I had to explain to a super on my block that my H was a "little crazy" right now because I asked the super if he knew a guy to help me fix something and he kept saying, "I don't understand, where is your husband, what is he doing, why doesn't he help you?" and then had to sit for a long diatribe in response to my vague reply that my H is "doing his own thing for some years now but still lives with us," The super was going on and on about how he doesn't get it, about what a nice woman I am, and beautiful (I am not beautiful but I look very young) and have wonderful kids and what is he doing, is he crazy?" And in those moments I just have to keep thinking of God and how I could be the most perfect woman in the world and God still wants to refine me, and if he is allowing this, he is using it to make me into the woman I am supposed to be.

I had CANCER and it didn't wake my H up. He still hates me, still blames me. Now it's all about money, I forget what it was before, mostly accusations of emasculation. Like you said, there were grains of truth. But the point is, we didn't break it, we can't fix it, it's not about us but they will make it about us. We can fix ourselves and keep walking in the light. I realized from the few times my H was himself again that I don't have to worry about wanting to be friends with who he is now. If/when he wakes up, he will be someone I will want to be friends with again. The unconditional love I show now is to wait, not to love who he is now; even if I have to be kind to him, it is the same as being kind to an enemy.

ack, late for church!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.