Drained

[sandi2]

I gave this advice some time ago, but I'll say it again. Don't spend time with the kids at her place. Take the kids to a park, McDonald's, your place, or somewhere other than your W's house where her parents live. It makes everyone feel very awkward. It's just my opinion, but I doubt they want you spending time there. I know why you did it in the past, but if you are really going to dump her, then don't hang out there, b/c it makes you look so obviously desperate.

Any advice on how to respond to WAW's parents and siblings? Sandi's rules mention not to talk to parents about it, but what if they approach me?

That rule has been misunderstood a lot. Remember, these are guidelines for a newcomer to have some sense of direction, especially if s/he has just received the bomb drop. It's saying not to run to other people talking about your private issues in the MR (that you hope will be resolved), b/c this could make things worse. What it means is that the LBS should not go running to the in-laws after the bomb drop, hoping they will add enough emotional pressure to make their daughter stay in the MR. It means not to run to her parents to tattle.

There have been some cases where a divorce was filed, and the WW's parents had no clue that she wanted out b/c of OM. She would feed them whatever lie she wanted. I don't think the LBH should lie or cover up for the WW. So, if your in-laws approached you and asked why the M is breaking up...….then you do what you feel is best for your particular situation. I have also said this...….if there is a D, and you feel the parents really needs to know (especially if they are going to talk bad about you to your kids, etc.), then consider telling them what really happened. I feel that parents deserve to know the truth, but that's just me.

Every situation is different, and you have to use some discernment about these rules. You've brought this subject up in the past, and your in-laws have not approached you yet. So, you do what you believe is the right thing to do at this point of the journey.

One piece of advice I have taken from this board is GAL - I have thrown myself into full scale gym and cardio workouts. Exercise is a key I think in DB. I've lost 10 lbs and it is helping me sleep better and curb my anxiety.

That's great!

Also, any advice on how best to respond when WAW says I am punishing her by not inviting her on next vacation?

Oh, there are so many comebacks I could give. Maybe you feel like she's punishing you by divorcing you. Okay, I'll try to be nice. How about...….. "I'm sorry you feel that way".

It is her sense of entitlement that makes her think she deserves to be included. Divorced spouses do not go on vacations together! It's that simple.