Just to give you perspective, you've been in this for 5 months. That's a very short period of time. You're looking at a much longer timeline for any results - whether a move to recon, or even making lasting changes within yourself. I am 14 months past BD and I have just truly reached a place of equilibrium. And even by many accounts here, this is faster than expected. The more complicated your sitch, the longer the process will be to emotionally and mentally deal with it.
Hope is a funny thing. It is very hard to live with it and move forward. Only when you redirect that hope to saving yourself, can it actually help you propel forward.
We all have enormous potential for growth. look up post-traumatic growth - i believe there is even a TED talk about it. Even though I have done a lot of thinking lately and come to some really insightful realizations, I still didn't have a process to move forward. I saw an interview with Mastin Kipp and went and picked up his book the same day - Claim your Power. He basically articulates the insights I came to through my thinking, but takes it a step forward. His book gives you a structured process to ask the right questions and start reframing and redirecting your thinking. I would highly suggest you look it up and see if it's something that would help you. I am a week into it and it's already very helpful.
I would say - don't hang in there. Get outside your box.
I can tell you this for a fact - I don't have any hope for recon now, and even if she came back and wanted to patch things up, I wouldn't take her 'as is'. She's going to have to put a ton of work into it for me to even consider it.
But I am so incredibly hopeful for my future. I have changed and it shows on the inside and outside, and I am so proud of where I've come so far and what's in store for me. I am crushing it at work now and really excited towards what we're building together as a team in the next year or two. My relationship with the kids has never been better - another amazing parenting book is 'the conscious parent' by Shefali Tsabary. Changed my life. I am pursuing what brings me great joy and satisfaction, and stuff that feeds my spirit.
The overall message is this - on the other side of the tunnel lies a vast world full of contentment, joy, and positive vibes. Crawl and grind your way through it if you have to. I certainly did and I have never been this happy and positive in two decades. I know it's hard to wrap your head around it, and I would've laughed it off and dismissed this even six months ago. But, now that I am a few steps beyond the tunnel and I couldn't be more ecstatic.
I put in the work and really internalized that no one was going to rescue me and help me. I was waiting for a savior for a long time and they didn't come. And that's when I realized I was my savior and that empowerment was intoxicating.
Let that hope blossom in your heart for YOU! That flower will be even more colorful than you ever imagined. You got this!
