David Rose Vanilla- thank you, I am re reading the goal chapter and trying to get it right. And I am getting confused. From her examples in the book -the goals are about what the other person does. Am I missing something there? I realise that a lot of goals/wishes are longer term but how would I break down for example this one: H kisses me or H says ILY - as MWD states om her book the goals must describe the actual behaviour and be action-oriented/specific. She also encourages to look for the small positive signs of change in WAS to see if the goals are going in the positive direction.
As for the conversations- I have a real trouble with this and I am trying to be as objective as I can. I realise that in the past I shut down and didn't talk, and sulked... so my 180 now is talking about anything almost all the time, be open and fun- just like I was when we first met. I can put other 180s: Invite him along if I plan something, suggest to do things together Don't talk about R, especially when we go to sleep- we used to have hours and hours of conversations in bed... my initiative... Be independent abd confident- no clinginess, crying, neediness as before GAL- struggling with this at the moment Always smile when I see him
I need to work on GAL- it is Sunday and it's raining and we both are at home...
Looking at this... just makes me realise what a horrible wife I have been during the last year or so- after he said that he doesn't want children. Instead of trying to be calm and collected and think/discuss our problems rationally, I did like from the textbook everything that were truly damaging for the M, totally out of control.
As for the small positive changes- he seems to be a bit more relaxed and not as negative as a few days ago. Still no signs of affection though.
W34 H61 M1 T3 June-H said he wants divorce but hasn't filed. Living and sleeping in the same bed, no intimacy from H side for last 12 months.
