The DR book arrived yesterday so I spent almost all day reading it! So many useful tips and advice, and gives me great encouragement for a way forward.
We both went for a cycle ride around London today (my suggestion) - there is a big cycling event and the roads around the central area are closed. I kept being cheerful and upbeat throughout the ride, together we helped a lady who fell of her bike, had an icecream in Hydepark after the route and when at home he said that he enjoyed it. Maybe there is hope after all.
I wanted to put down my goals here: 1) H intitates intimacy and wants children (last time we ML was one year ago) small steps would be: -H kisses me ( so far hasn't) -H hugs me when we go to sleep - nothing yet -H says a compliment- nope -H initiates ML -H says he wants a family and does something about it
2) we have lovely/easy conversations and plan things/holidays together - we talk during the meal times and in between in an easy non pressured way, we never run out of the things to talk about - we go to movies once a month - occasional weekends away in the countryside -planning a romantic holiday - Italy/France in September (well, I can dream, can't I?) - making Christmas plans -sponatneous walks/coffee around the town -visiting a gallery/theatre/concert once a month
3) H is being happy about the future with me -he finds a way continuing doing his business which struggling at the moment - he visits a doctor/looks for a help/ talks to a friend for his depression - he stops being grumpy all the time!
That's about it. How does it look? Comments/suggestions?
These are not goals but wishes.
You can not set goals for another's behaviour or actions.
GOALS ARE ABOUT YOU NOT ABOUT YOUR H.
None of this is achievable because the goals are about your actions, things which are under your control.
If you even try actions like these you will come across as controlling.
So there is no way you can make H want children or initiate intamcy, stop trying to control H who he is, what he wants, thinks and does.
GOALS ARE ABOUT YOU.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
