Mrs JLS journey to saving the marriage

[Rose888]

I pulled out my copy of DR to reread the goals chapter. The book says to pick goals that can be accomplished in a week or two. Yours seem much too ambitious.

Also, honestly the way MWD talks about goals is a bit different from how most people think about goals, and I think it is easy for LBSes to head down a bad path based on what they understand the book to be saying.

Personally, I think the only person you can have goals for is yourself. Everything else is a wish or a hope.

Based on that idea, only #2 comes close to being a goal, and even that is only half goal/half wish.

If your wish is that you and your husband have easy conversations, think about what in your behavior is making it difficult for you to have those conversations, and then identify 180s you can do in those areas. If you usually try to engage him as soon as he walks in the door and he seems unresponsive, give him space when he gets home and talk to him over dinner. If there's a topic that frequently leads to conflict, think about how you could change what you say and how you react in that conversation to diffuse the tension. Also identify some small signs that you are moving closer to those easy conversations. Is it that he asks you a question about your day? That he tells you something about his? That he chooses to stay in the same room as you?

Then, you implement the 180s in your behavior and look to see if there is any response from him that moves you closer to the wish of having better conversations.

You can change only yourself.