Get most books from library Nicole, I have come to realize if I just wait a bit most libraries carry them and your local one can order one for you. I know what you mean by how R could be improving but we vent here about our frustrations. Again with DBing since we cannot be friends with WAS we cannot share our feelings with them so we vent here. Your WH seems to at least try to connect with your D frequently so that is definitely an improvement. i love what Sara said to think of your S as if he is on life support. I tell myself a ton of these things too - he is leaving because he is mentally ill - it is similar to taking a job somewhere far away and being able to see kids only for some days a week ( i have no explanation of my absence in this imaginary excuse) - he has already died and this is someone else in his body - maybe I will really do something out of the ordinary that other moms will not think of doing just living their regular lives whatever lie we can tell ourselves to make this more tolerable, just a different version of act as if. I am sure you being strong and sounding detached to him is helping, you are in no hurry, so best to wait and watch how it all unfolds. Hugs - arshi
