Thanks LW and Davide, well it is a roller coaster right. Today I was on a play date for D3 and my friend kept asking me where H was, there are a lot of couple friends we used to meet and from last 6 months only I show up. Initially everyone thought it must be hectic with the baby but now people have their doubts. I cant even share the pain, I am a very private person by nature. She told me her dad was sick and in the hospital and I cried like a fool, I dont know what happened I just lost it. I havent done this in the last 2 months. Soon after BD, I have behaved pathetically, cried in public places, had to run out of meetings at work, been held by stranger in a public restroom because I was weeping uncontrollably but have been able to hold myself in the last 2 months and only cried in the shower or bedroom. My friend didnt know why I was weeping for her father being sick and was telling me she is sure he will be better. Gosh I am going bonkers. H is calm, our interactions minimal, no arguments of any kind. The fact that he will be moving out soon is bothering me. I will never stop him, my head knows it is for the better, distance and time will bring him perspective and give me space to heal, but my heart weeps. I packed my life in suitcases and followed H half way across the world leaving all friends and family behind. To build a life from scratch to make something of our own. 10 years later he is walking out after having 2 children. My only guarantee in life was him, my life with him, it was not meant to be this way especially for my children. I am not prepared to see my children miss their father for most of the week, I am not prepared to tell D3 why her daddy will not come home everyday from next week. I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities of 2 small children, a full time job and maintaining the MH. I need him out like yesterday and I dont want him to go. God give me strength. My daughters need me and I will save this for them some day.
