Organic Blue Sky

[HaWho]

Thanks Job, KML, Gordie, Cali and Bttrfly. Ownit - if you are reading, I've missed you!

Bttrfly, actually, each day, I thank my lucky stars that he moved out. I had absolutely no idea how outrageous my situation had become until he left. It is as Cali writes: it takes distance to really see how toxic it had become.

I have little contact with him but from glimpses, he is still way out there. The control issues are crazy, so much so that I am not sure we can settle our divorce without litigation. When he left he took all documents including our will and the kids' passports. Of course there is no legal basis for him to have these in his possession and I've tried to explain that to him. I have tried to explain that if we are to settle we both need to understand there are laws to which we must adhere. I have every right to have a copy of my will. (It was written so long ago, I can't even remember which law firm wrote it.) And I should keep one kid's passport while he keeps the other (unless one of us is travelling internationally with the kids.) If we are to settle, I am planning to write that our previous will is null and void effective immediately in case he never gives it to me.

His answer: he's always handled these things so he'll continue to do so. He actually says this and then also says as he's always done it, he sees no reason to change things.

These are the the kinds of things that make this MLC and not an ordinary divorce. He still wants to control things. He even sent me an email telling me how I should be budgeting and handling my finances. His tone was rude, condescending and filled with anger. The best part is that all his math was wrong! (At one point he even suggested that he'll continue to handle all the finances?!?) It does not seem that he has a basic understanding of divorce.

It was made all the more bizarre that he just writes everything on this scheduling app to which the court has access. He really is digging himself a deep grave should we need to go to court to settle. Each email shows how out there he really is.

Me: I have every legal right to my own will. Please give me a copy of my will.
Him: No, I've always handled this so I will continue.
Me: We are divorcing, so things will not be run that way anymore. You have no legal right to hold my documents in your possession. What if I did this to you though the law is on your side?

Divorcing him is a nightmare. I have to fight for every little foothold. That's the bad. I know someday, somehow these issues will be resolved.

The good: Most of the time, I do feel like I cheated death. I am relieved he is gone. I wish him no harm, but he was an albatross.

I have made good friends at work, have a strong social network and am just healing day by day. My sense of humor is back in full swing. I joined a new tennis group and am really enjoying that. I feel strong, healthy and more whole than I have in years. I no longer have to plan fun things for the week; invites now come my way.

I cannot thank you all enough for being there for me in what were some truly crazy years.