Just about now I want to kick her lying cheating ass to the curb (sidewalk).
This is scummy beyond belief to gaslight a then S16. Gross behaviour and gross comment in reference to oral sex. Horrific.
Disrespectful and targeted to hurt.
I wish you had it recorded.
Let me tell you this isn't you.
It is a spell breaker for you as now you know you will never unknown.
Disgust is the most powerful of detachment tools, more than anger. I know this.
I love love it when I see anger but I now know disgust short circuits the Kubler Ross cycle, kicks it into touch.
You need never ever doubt yourself as that horrible remark and behaviour will kick you back into detachment and move you fast to the land of Meh and Nah!
It is always the LBS that lets go.
She knows she has gone too far, if she is aware S18 knows he was gaslighted two years ago then her reaction may be denial or self disgust.
It's a long way back from here. So stupid and so sad.
Horrible, but now you know and can never unknown. So sending you my special rainbow strength today.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
earlier today she texted me about ny son needing to see a psychologist because hes been feeling down and kind of lost recently, UNRELATED TO OUR SITUATION, is how she worded it????. Last evening she had a talk with him for about a half hour, which included her admitting to affair with the om that he met at concert. How the heck could she possibly say that my sons sadness is unrelated to the destruction of his family.
fmly- I'm hurting for you and your S. If you have been following my sitch.- I have no proof of an A but when W checked out my S was and still is hurting. Make sure he has the proper help but first and foremost be the best DAD you can be for him and all your kids. Let them know what true LOVE is. Keep strong- Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Is it even possible for someone like this, holding this type of resentment, to find their way back? Obviously our relationship is gone and will nevet be the same. But is it possible for two people to reconnect on some level after inflicting this much pain?
Right now im just completely disgusted!!! I went to gym this morning, currently working on a project in my garage, and tonight im meeting up with some friends to hangout.
Im also thinging about going back to school. Just 1 class at a time, but my company will pay for it.
The disgust i have in her right now is off the charts. Not only does she want to hurt me she wants to torturr me.
Im using this as motivation to make my life the way i want it to be....not based on trying to please her or anyone else. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. With exception of om.
Im using this as motivation to make my life the way i want it to be....not based on trying to please her or anyone else.
It seems that it takes the LBH feeling completely disgusted with his WW, in order to let go of wanting to please her. I'm going to say this as a former WW........don't feel that you need to hold back in letting her see just how disgusted you are with her. No more Mr. Nice Guy with her!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank you for staying with me. I know it took me awhile to sort thru everything....but i hear you loud and clear. And you have been so spot on ita scary!
Fmly1st, I still didn't get to re-write my long message and I can't remember everything I wrote, but one thing I wanted to say is that the wayward spouse can snap back to being normal again. My husband did snap back a few times. He was totally out-of-control when he moved out the first time but when he came back he was relatively normal for a long period of time before he got out-of-control again. The problem once this happens is it's hard for things to be the same. Even if your wife returns to normal and wants to re-commit to the marriage there is so much resentment and devastation by that point it makes it hard for things to go back-to-normal. If you make the mistake of continually blaming your wife for what she did, and whatever changes you made to improve yourself during this time don't last, then the marriage could break down again. Or if your wife doesn't have the morals and ethics to stop herself from having another affair then that could happen again too. It seems they can snap back and the marriage can be saved but the marriage remains extremely vulnerable for a long time. It's good to be prepared for what you'll do if your wife wants to re-commit just as it's good to be prepared for what you'll do if she moves out. I wasn't prepared for my husband to return the first time and I did almost everything wrong. Anyway it does sound like the 'no more Mr. Nice Guy' will achieve good results in your case. Even if your wife seems further agitated by it now, she'll respect you more when she comes to her senses.
But "too many lbs cling to their marriage hoping their old spouse would return and that never happens" is a bit of a stretch, no? I realize there is change, but complete change, as in core values and beliefs? I think ive read countless stories of people who really went off the reservation who realized the way they were living contradicted their cv and beliefs. Im not saying that they will not adjust their belief system to get their fix while they are in the fog....but i would think that eventually will wear off, no?
It would be absolutely fantastic is this WAW thing would just "wear off" and it was just a matter of waiting it out. But no, that doesn't happen. Whoever you thought you were married to, she's gone. Who you are married to now is a lying, selfish cheater. Now she might change her ways at some point, but here's the thing, if she does she won't go back to your "old W". If your old W is person 1 and your current W is person 2, then if she changes again she won't be person 1 again, she will be person 3. She'd be a reformed adulterer, right? It's kind of like how an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, they can reform themselves and avoid alcohol but they are still an alcoholic. They are always living on the tipping point. Do you follow what I'm saying? Your old W is gone. Surely you must admit you don't want to be married to person 2, that is the most unhealthy choice you can make. So you've got to decide whether person 3 is worth waiting for. The problem is she may stay person 2 forever like my mom did, or person 3 may be even worse than 2.
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Its neither here or there because thats out of my control. I need to work on me and start commanding the respect i deserve.
Quite right. But you won't need to command respect, it will come naturally once you get there.
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Earlier in the day my son realized that the om was the same guy who showed up at a concert 2 years ago and also met them after the event for dinner. At the time my w played if off like it was just a coincidental meeting with someone at work. Clearly we all know this was planned! How sick on both their parts to want to bring a high school freshman into something that!!!!!
Lying, selfish cheater, right?
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So my dilemma is have i done enough to protect my kids and show my ww that i will not tolerate an affair/open marriage? I have kicked her out of my bedroom and asked her to move out.
Let me ask you something, if your best friend came to you and said "I just found out my son is on heroin so I asked him to stop, do you think I did enough?" How would you respond to that. Quit asking people to do stuff you know they're not going to do. Take control of your life.
It's kind of like how an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, they can reform themselves and avoid alcohol but they are still an alcoholic. They are always living on the tipping point.
Then I saw this gem:
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Let me ask you something, if your best friend came to you and said "I just found out my son is on heroin so I asked him to stop, do you think I did enough?" How would you respond to that. Quit asking people to do stuff you know they're not going to do. Take control of your life.
I'm not sure what's up with the addiction references? Do you have an addict in your life or something? I only ask because you are misguided at best about some of these things. True, someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs is addicted for life. There is no cure - in this you are absolutely correct. However, that in no way means they are "living on the tipping point." I'm not even positive what that means other than they are one step away. teetering on relapse? Simply not true.
As for the heroin comment, I am again not sure what you are getting at here. Don't bother asking someone on heroin to stop? Is that your point? Or don't even bother as, "once a junkie always a junkie," so why bother? Again, I'm not sure, it just seems as though you really do not at all understand addiction - and are making some really clueless comments about those who suffer from this God awful disease - including some on this board as well as close family members. Drug overdose (and that includes alcohol) is now the leading killer/cause of death for anyone under the age of 50. It's a real thing for a lot of people - not a choice they make, like getting divorced or something.
I'm not at all asking for an apology or anything close to it. I'm simply suggesting you might want to learn more about addiction or refrain from making comments that don't paint you in the best light with regard to your knowledge about it. I hope I'm not coming down too hard, it just really struck me - perhaps partly because I will be an addict for life even though I've been anything but living on the tipping point for the last 9 years.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Sandi2 and anyone else with experience, i could really use your help.
I attended a mc the other day with my w. In the session i learned that my w recently told her parents that we are headed for d and also admitted that she cheated. It seemed to me that she said she made a mistake, that it was nothing serious but thay she still wanted a d because she was unhappy. I met with parents last night and i was so happy that they still wanted to have a good relationship with me and that nothinh has changed on their end. I love my inlaws, i cannot begin to tell you how much they mean to me. Their desire is for us to work things out amicably for the benefit of our kids....which i want. However there is a LOT of work to do to get there.
I feel like maybe i shouldnt do anymore mc because my w is still in an active afffair with someone she works with? Now from my w perspective is that we are trying to move forward to d amicably. But how can i be amicable with someone that is torturing me everyday she goes to work? I feel like this mc is just giving her cover to say she tried to do everything she could and thay its my fault? Currently we are at a standstilll because neither of us wants to leave house. Keep in mind she wanted nothing to do with house until the kids told her they are not moving! And now she cant have people perceive that she would move on without her kids.
