Thanks Joanna. I'm feeling regretful today for being such a whiner yesterday. H and I really have made progress. We've been more affectionate and I've been relinquishing lots of my control issues - which he is actually starting to notice and appreciate. (Yay.)
It's just so hard to be patient when, as an HD person, the answer seems so OBVIOUS!!!
HH....good to hear this. I think you're realizing that things are not usually as bad as your emotions make them seem to be. Nothing worth having is easy....just remember that.
Don't worry about whining here...just don't do it at home. This forum has helped me hit the release valve instead of doing/saying something I'd regret later. So vent away....
OBTW...just because the answer is obvious to you doesn't mean it is to H. Perhaps your answer is not his answer. Find out what his answer really is....
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
Well, he SAYS his answer is the same as mine, but the proof is in the pudding, eh? I think one of the hardest parts of being HD (and I've discussed this with H before) is that we look for opportunities to HAVE sex, while an LD tends to look for opportunities NOT to have sex. He agreed.
- Heavyheart, who is taking deep breaths of relief today that she is back here amongst understanding friends
HH, you are not doing any whining here that all of us have not done tons of before. I agree with you that many LD spouses find reasons not to be intimate with us. I wish tha there was even a way to compromise.
I just had to LMAO at your "gopher" thing. Actually, I think it's called "Whack-a-Mole," but the vision of that damned thing just really hit home in how I also feel about even HOPING that my LD wife is in the mood for sex!
HH wrote: I think one of the hardest parts of being HD (and I've discussed this with H before) is that we look for opportunities to HAVE sex, while an LD tends to look for opportunities NOT to have sex.
That really nails it! I'm always thinking about some way/place/position to have sex. LDW hasn't thought about it since our wedding day. I'll never understand how someone isn't thinking about it or gets too tired for it.
Heavy, Welcome back you poor thing. Hoped I'd never see you here again.
Hey I was wondering if you had ever had a frequency discussion with your H. One along the lines of "How often would you ideally make love, in one week?"
When H and I had these conversations I was pretty surprised to find out that our hopes for a sex life were a LOT closer than I had previously thought. It was all the other crap (unrealized expectations, past disappointments) that got in the way of getting it on.
The next step for us was to make a commitment to his weekly ideal. He did that. I realize that he is unusual for LD spouses, in that he made the commitment and he stuck with it.
But what I'm really wondering is if you guys know each other sexually...that is, do you know how much sex he wants (not what you currently have) and does he know what you would like?
So right you are. I knew the kids would be out tonight. Thought over and over about taking H upstairs what we could do etc. LDH must have thought about it also....came home telling me how the lawn needed to be mowed, etc. I never got to my part because he had it all figured out. Must have taken him all day to work out how he would be busy the entire time the kids were away.
This is so true! Recently we had an opportunity to have all three kids spend the night somewhere else. Our son was on a school trip to another country, and our daughters were plotting to get invited to friends' houses. That's why my LDW suggested they invite their friends to OUR house and have a slumber party! What could have been a blissful night alone turned into something else altogether. This is not the first time she has squandered opportunities. But then this thread has shown me that it is not a squander to her. She's just doing what comes naturally to her as an LD person. While I am thinking of just the opposite. When I read these posts from HD wives with LD husbands, I have to think: why couldn't I have been with one of them??? I would LOVE to try/do new things at every opportunity. When we do ML now (and thankfully it's not quite as RARE an event as with other posters) it's gotten to be so rote that I hardly even look forward to it anymore. Maybe that's part of her plan too...
