Benito, I saw your message - thanks it stopped me. It is just that I don't yet feel prepared to start talking about D details with legal people as I'm still dealing with the shock of the split.
I think this is a big mistake. Frankly, knowledge is power. Talking to the legal team will help you understand your rights./ And what rights you are giving up by continuing on your current path. I think you should be talking to a lawyer ASAP.
How.is what i said a big mistake?
No where have i said dont go and get legal advise.. tbf i have been the one pushing him to detach throughout this story.
I told him not to beg wife to delay the divorce.. there is a difference
Benito, I saw your message - thanks it stopped me. It is just that I don't yet feel prepared to start talking about D details with legal people as I'm still dealing with the shock of the split.
I think this is a big mistake. Frankly, knowledge is power. Talking to the legal team will help you understand your rights./ And what rights you are giving up by continuing on your current path. I think you should be talking to a lawyer ASAP.
How.is what i said a big mistake?
No where have i said dont go and get legal advise.. tbf i have been the one pushing him to detach throughout this story.
I told him not to beg wife to delay the divorce.. there is a difference
I didnt say your advice was a big mistake.
I said him not talking to a lawyer because he is too sad or too stunned is a big mistake.
Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate your comments and advice.
Some progress today...perhaps...
I took the kids by myself for a whole day out (for the first time so a 180 and GAL) to somewhere really great that W had often mentioned but we'd never been to before. W didn't know where we were going and I know she had been trying to find out from the kids. They couldn't tell her because they didn't know either. I just said it would be a fun surprise. It would have been the first time ever that W wouldn't have known where the kids were - so a 180 for her.
The kids had a really fantastic time. W came to collect them, and she looked amazed at where we had been. I was really happy and content having had a good day. I didn't invite W into the house (she would have said no anyway) I just left the door open. W said she was going to wait in the car but then came back and walked into the house. I was amazed because a month or so ago she'd had her legal person send a letter saying she'd never go into the house. I kept away busy in another room. I didn't offer her a drink. W saw me doing some washing-up (which had been her one chore) so that was another 180 for me. I'm very independent whereas W has her parents doing everything for her.
W stayed for an hour. From what little I noticed she looked awkward. Upon leaving with the kids W said "I love you... tell Daddy you love him, go on tell Daddy you love him". W never normally says such a thing, but she'd might ask them to thank me. I won't read anything into it because a few weeks ago she blew me a kiss when leaving with the kids. I think it's just for the sake of the kids.
I don't trust anything at all W says or does. I know from experience that she appears to be nice just as she is about to do the next hurtful action.
Yeah, don't read anything into anything. Ever. If she starts to soften and/or have a change of heart/mind, you will know and won't have to read anything into it.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
I did have some very quick legal advice. They just said 'It's all bull.. and to offer to go to mediation'. However, that could make a D process quicker and make R with W even worse. If W wants a D then she can make the effort to do it.
However, since then, I found out W is hiding money from D and now she knows that I know about it. I know she had a lot in Jan 2018 and she will have to show 12 months of accounts. Therefore, I will wait about 2 to 3 months and then I may have to look to D her to help ensure that I get a fair deal. That is assuming W doesn't deliver D papers before then which she might well do.
I did have some very quick legal advice. They just said 'It's all bull.. and to offer to go to mediation'. However, that could make a D process quicker and make R with W even worse. If W wants a D then she can make the effort to do it.
However, since then, I found out W is hiding money from D and now she knows that I know about it. I know she had a lot in Jan 2018 and she will have to show 12 months of accounts. Therefore, I will wait about 2 to 3 months and then I may have to look to D her to help ensure that I get a fair deal. That is assuming W doesn't deliver D papers before then which she might well do.
Why dont you take control of the situation rather than wait for her?
In my opinion, the longer you wait on this the worse this situation is going to get... it is not going to be getting much better to be fair.
Initially, W was blaming me for everything and I was accepting a lot of the blame, but then I uncovered some major lies W told, realised it wasn't me, and let her know. It has changed the dynamics. I'm the honest person with integrity whilst she is the opposite and she can't now kid herself otherwise. I believe 'if she feels bad towards me then that is her problem'.
Therefore, at the moment, I'm trying not to give W any excuses for any bad behaviour towards me so she can calm-down and reflect upon her own actions and consequences.
However, I can't afford to give it too long else she will rip me off for money etc. that she has been hiding in advance of D, but if I start D now then W will have reasons to get mad at me because of what I will want.
However, I am already doing some D prep making notes regardless of whether she starts D or if I do. If I do it, then I've got to time it right.
