I think there is a massive issue with how people view themselves.
(Themselves) - being the I or me.
This mental self image is constructed from birth and is a massive mash up of thoughts and experiences that shape how we interpret the world. We have individual traits of course, but we become very much a product of our environment and tend to fall into roles that define us - such as husband, provider, dad, wife, etc..
With this role comes responsibilities that society dictates to us via media and other formats - so we do the best job we can to fit into this (I am nice/normal) lifestyle where you do the things that you think other people would expect of you.
When you are married, it confirms this (fitting in) might actually be working - otherwise why would someone marry you otherwise? So things go well until one of you has a moment, it may be meeting someone else, or it maybe something like a death - that shakes them to their core and they snap out of this role and they are reborn mentally. Totally present.
They then dont want to be with you because their true self never wanted you in the first place, their nice person mask/lifestyle did.
This realisation you are having is more a realisation that you are more than a role. You are an intelligent man with options. So you feel confident and rightly so.
Dont mix (i still love her) feelings with comfort/familiarity feelings - its eeerily similar and easy to feel like (I still lover her mannnn!) when in reality you are missing the comfort and safety of the situation.
I like your introspection - however alot of introspection suggests you dont trust yourself that much. Just be and let whatever happen just happen. Just react to whatever situation as you see fit and stand by that decision. There is no such thing as perfection so dont try to hard to reach it pal.
