As Benito says, makes not a bit of difference really. If W is selfish, abusive, bitter, resentful, whatever you are of no concern to her. I'm coming up on 5 months since W left, no talk of R, wants D, no idea on OM, not a single call since she left and when I did see her she could never look me in the eye so I can relate to much of what you all say...all in the same boat unfortunately. I could drive myself crazy wondering why and what she's thinking and to be fair even several months on I cycle through memories, why/how she left, the whole deal. Somehow as time goes on you must find a way to put yourself 1st. Generally I think your W will help you along that path the most as you experience more of their abusive behavior, actions, crazy. You will just want to be free of all that to save yourself. I have a young D so the guilt/pain of feeling she will have a broken family and no memories of her parents together destroys me. BUT in those times I have to remind myself that I have been always willing to do whatever I could to save my R with my W, but W has made this HER CHOICE to end the MR and seek D. The most solace that any of us may end up with from this tragic time is that we each were committed to our MR and would have done anything we could to save it.
I pray for all of you, trust me you are not alone, we are walking much the same path together.
Stop worrying about putting a label on it and start putting together a plan of action. Your W is an active A and you seem to think if you label MLC she will snap out of it and come to her senses. Wrong!
You mentioned setting boundaries? What are they? What are the consequences for breaking them?
If you want to turn this around you need to take massive action!
Are you exercising? Reading self help books? Getting out with friends? Seeing a therapist?
Stop worrying about putting a label on it and start putting together a plan of action. Your W is an active A and you seem to think if you label MLC she will snap out of it and come to her senses. Wrong!
You mentioned setting boundaries? What are they? What are the consequences for breaking them?
If you want to turn this around you need to take massive action!
Are you exercising? Reading self help books? Getting out with friends? Seeing a therapist?
Nope, I dont have any illusions of her snapping out of it. That said, I would love to get advice from a few of our very own WW's. I think they could really help because of their insight. Ive already learned a ton from reading all their threads/posts, but coud use some advice on some particulars.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I could use some help from former WW and MLC sufferers. Not 100% sure how to approach this long journey.
My W was having a MLC and was a WW. Often they are linked. As I said before all WW are usually WAWs too. But they can be WAWs without being a WW.
MLC are tricky. First anyone can have one at any age. However, you will see a lot of WAW/WW are triggered, seemingly by a MLC around a milestone birth date. Mine repeatedly talked about being 50. How she felt it was her last chance at happiness.
Here is the thing though, lots of people have MLCs and don't leave their MR. So you can blame it fully on a MLC.
As LH, regardless of the labels. MLC or not. WW or not. WAS, etc...... The actions are the same. Some will advocate for tougher love for the WW, and that may be what is necessary. However, there are no quick fixes in any of this stuff. The temptation is to label it so we can shoot it with a magic bullet. There is no such thing.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
