A familiar story with questions. VI

[RR17]

Happy Friday you Centered, Confident and Detached DBers!

Here's a story that I want to chronicle as well as I hope can help others.

So this Wednesday W said she wanted to go to the Costco after work. Based on past experience with this poor communicator I took it to mean that W wanted me to join. You see I am expected to draw intended conclusions based on abstract verbal illustrations.
I had been intentionally absent the couple evenings before and why not?

So I make a point to be home as W is getting home and ask about a plan. Big mistake.
You see D15 had requested W perform some errands during the prior scheduled event. Fine with me.
I ask what time do you want to go to Costco? She replies with the other errands and this and that. I say, "That's not the question I ask". Anyway you get the picture and things escalated quickly and she said "What I'm not doing is this" and stormed out the door with D15. Fine with me.

So I intend to drop the issue and return to the bliss that is our cohabitation as friendly roommates. Next morning she is acting suspiciously. Well, this got to me and I checked Ws phone when she took a shower.
I saw a text with a W of some friends of ours regarding the recent demise of our family dog. Friend asked if we were going to get another and my W replied "No, I am trying to get folks out of my house" laughing emoji

Well, this pissed me off and contrary to my best judgment, I reacted instead of responding. I know, bad RR17.
I confronted W and as expected she said: "what are you doing with my phone." I responded, "I'm reacting to suspicious behavior". W said she was talking about getting the kids out.

So I set a boundary. "If you think it's okay to disrespect me to our friends, you will regret it" "If you think that our current status grants license to start up your next little something, it does not."
Seems self-evident, but WWs don't think like normal people.
Once again she assured me that there was nothing going on and left for work.

One last bad decision on my part. I had to send on more text message while she was on her way to work.
"Just so I can understand your perspective. I don't deserve respect but you deserve to be trusted. Is that correct?"
As expected she didn't reply.

Well, I resorted to that closure and had no intention of continuing any type of punishment. I dropped it.

For the last 2 days, W has been pouting around when I am present. Not cold shoulder, but woe is me, pouting. This morning I told her a story about her 85 year old dad asking for plumbing advice and how I felt he was getting personally involved in the project and MIL might want to watch the purse strings. I can't stand contractor that take advantage of old people. W listened and agreed. Still blue and pouty all the while. Me? Not reacting to her state.

So, if your still here. IMO, W is now trying to control me with her "feel sorry for me" manipulation. The "No intimacy" control didn't seem to work so W in on to other techniques.

I am not perfect and I still make mistakes, but I have also reached a point of detachment where I can see what the intended dynamic probably is and rise above it.
I hope others find this helpful and upon finding themselves in a situation where their W try to control through manipulation, perhaps they will remember this post and prevail.