Hi all. I haven't been around lately...used Spring Break as my excuse last week, but this week it's just me and the baby again and I'm still not online. Today I am just a depressed mess. LDH started reading SSM a couple of weeks ago and had some "a-ha" moments (so he said). Encouraged me to initiate which I did try to do once - I even tried in the morning (his optimum time). His reply was to tell me how tired he was and how he didn't get enough sleep and how sex was the last thing on his mind and he didn't think he could possibly get a hard-on but "because I know it's important to you, honey" he would give it his best shot. Then as I tried to get him in the mood he just kept making jokes and small talk and he!! *I* was out of the mood by then. Luckily it was time to get the kids up so I had an excuse to stop my efforts. Later he told me how proud he was of himself because he had not rejected my advances. Hmmm...didn't really seem that way from my perspective. You can reject with words, not just actions.
Sigh.
That was about 10 days ago and since then he hasn't picked up the book (neither have I) and we haven't even mentioned the "S" word. Now he's reading a book about water gardening and I'm reading "Da Vinci Code" - LOL.
I felt like we BOTH made some minor progress, but now we're back to "let's not talk about it and maybe it will go away" mode. Last night I was in the mood (he looked so sexy in his new Cub Scout leader uniform!) but I knew not to even try since his favorite show was on. It's always something.
Today I'm just plain depressed. Things have been so stressful for us lately - financial mostly - and I would just love to have that loving sexual connection I crave with him. Yet I feel like the planets have to be aligned "just so" for me to even make a move. And even then he will have some reason for not possibly being able to even think about considering even the unlikely thought of pondering making the slightest effort to be in the mood.
Then I remembered, hey, there ARE people who understand what you're going through! And here you all are. And I've missed you.
