Still Navigating

[Ginger1]

There is a reason why I come back to these boards after so many years. Not because I am stuck wanting my ex back, or because all I think about is divorce or I am stuck in the period and mindset of when I was going through the heck......

It's the good advice and support on how to handle the post divorce stuff. The single mom dating and surviving. That stuff never goes away or is never in the rearview mirror like our divorces. it is very present. And lord knows I need help in this area, and I am not afraid to ask for it. I have wonderful friends IRL, ones from here, my life long friends, and they are all wonderful, but sometimes I just need to write stuff out and marinate over written responses, so thank you all.

I saw my IC yesterday after like 2 months. I need it. She knows me well, I have been seeing her for 3 years. She echoed a lot of what you said about HC. She did point out one thing that all of you did that is huge and a pattern for me. I need to stop pursing. She knows I want someone to pursue me and I have to stop and let him do it. And pursuing as in making dates, and initiating contact. My reasons for doing it, while they really don't matter, is just me doing it out of habit (I run my ship) and another is I have always had to be the one to keep it together in my M and my other R's. The second I stopped in my M, he moved on to another woman. I also have only one day free a week, but he should be reaching out and asking which one that is. But she pointed out it is no fun and it doesn't feel good for me to be the only pursuer. She said I MUST let him come to me, I am not to reach out and I am not to make the next date. And I will not. I promise you all.

GB- you did not insult me at all. You are right! What bugs me is I know he could reach out and say hi, and he is choosing not to. I am with you, I feel like this isn't going to turn into anything. I know what it is. We are having some hot sex and enjoying each others company in shared interests. We have deep conversations, but the truth is, he does not want an R, and probably won't anytime in the future. And I do. My IC said to me, "Ginger, enjoy it for what it is, do not close the door to the things you do want, but know right now this is what he is giving you. it's not like you are giving up other potential R's for this." She said she does not know that he may not want anything and I shouldn't assume that. But I do know exactly what you said. he is choosing not to think of me when I am not around. For a number of reasons, that's his choice. And it is what it is.

See, I do want an R eventually. With someone. I don't expect it early on, I just want it to have some potential and two people should have the same goals when dating. I think I deserve it. I think I am worth it. I think whatever guy ends up with me as a partner will be fortunate. I am aware, it most likely be with HC. I actually don't really have any sort of major romantic feelings. I am not letting myself, and he is not letting me. My IC asked me how engaged he is when with me and I said very. Everything is relaxed, we are comfortable around each other, flirty, ect. She asked me if it was the transitions (coming and going) where he is uncomfortable. She asked me this before I even told her. she said this is someone who is really just not used to this yet, or ready. It's common for where he is at.

I felt awfully weak and pathetic yesterday. Then I took a spin class. A very intense one where I used to go and it's kind of a race where we all get places. My left quad burned, my leg doesn't move as fast as I wanted it, but I felt so good just giving it my all. It was like in the movie "I feel pretty". I came in 6th out of 9th place which I was happy for, because I was pretty sure I would come in dead last. I got off that bike just feeling good. Like I am worth it. Like I am a prize. I need to stop selling myself.

So, today is a better day. I am meeting an ex/coworker/friend for lunch. I am going out for dinner and drinks tonight with friends. D10 and I are visiting our dear DB friends Saturday, sunday we have a day at the beach. I have a very full weekend. I have got a life.