I decided before I went that I would dress up and try to be attractive. I wore my nicest outfit, shaved, did my eyebrows (she always laughed about my unkempt eyebrows, heh) and wore a nice aftershave. I was looking pretty boss.
I went in with a firm, but positive attitude.
We started to talk about some things we needed to work out, taxes from last year, etc. Then we started talking about the D, and of course that brought up some uncomfortable things. We both got a bit emotional. I didn't do as well as I wanted to with that, and she got upset. But...she continued to stay and talk. We got a bit more open and honest with ourselves. She brought up the things that had upset her about me...my lack of drive to take care of myself, specifically. I owned up to that. I know that during the R, I was very broken, depressed severely, and I didn't take care of myself like I should have. I told her that I recognized how that was a burden to her, and that whether or not I could have done anything else, the fact that I didn't was on me. After that, she calmed down a lot. I did, too.
She had brought a friend along as a witness. After a bit, we were walking to our cars, and the friend left. She wanted to talk a bit more about the issues, so I agreed. I owned my issues. She mentioned that there was nothing more attractive than a man who owned up to his problems.
She was looking at me and I noticed that she was slowly getting closer to me. When I thought she was getting into her car, I politely extended my hand to shake her hand. She said "I don't want your hand. I want a hug."
So I let her hug me. Not an awkward side hug. She squeezed me really tight and said that she cared about me and wanted to make sure that I'm okay through all of this, I kissed her forehead and told her that I would be fine no matter the outcome, and I hope that she is okay, too.
Aaaaaand then she kissed me. I hesitated. I said "well, this is confusing" and we had a laugh. Then she did it again, but harder.
I gave S his birthday present early. He LOVED it! W was surprised,and she seemed to be impressed that I thought about it ahead of time.
She was getting into her car, and asked me to call her. I asked her when she wanted me to call, she said "now."
I got into my car and called her. She asked if I was okay. I said "yes, ma'am" and she got flirty and said "mmmm say that again...". We got a laugh out of that.
While on the phone, we talked more about the issues. Eventually, she brought up that if she were ever to be in a relationship again, she wouldn't want it to be monogamous. I let her go on about she feels, and when she started bringing up her friends, I stopped her and gave her the "look, I'm not your gay friend" line. I told her that for me, monogamy wasn't negotiable. She of course got a bit testy about that and asserted that we probably wouldn't work, and D was the best course of action "most likely".
I told her "it's clear that we disagree on some major things, and perhaps D is the right option." I think it surprised her that I was taking that hard stance. She told me "the last ten minutes of our face to face meeting was amazing" and had all of our arguments ended that way, we'd likely still be together. She told me that I looked really good tonight, and that after we calmed down, she "missed the hell out of me" and she told me she still loves me.
I told her that I know we both still have our own issues, and I need time to keep working on mine, and in the meantime, I will respect her privacy, and I would not be pursuing a relationship with her at this time, but I also told her that the decision isn't mine to make. I would expect honesty, openness, and monogamy, and that I couldn't make that decision for her, and that I will be fine regardless of her decision.
On a somewhat related note, I start a new job tomorrow. I'm quite excited about my progress, and I've got a lot of work to do on myself. But...she has taken notice. Hopefully I'll get more opportunities to make positive impressions on her. I suppose we shall see.
