Sandi, I know my W is in there somewhere. My quick question is what do I do right now. Should I just be quiet and wait for her to contact/reach out to me? She is at work for another hour and then I know she will just be a her parents with our kids hanging out. Im not used to sitting in an empty quiet house so I usually got talk to an older friend of mine for a couple hours. This is so out of realm but think I can do this.
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IMHO, the LBH should pull completely back. No contact, unless is is very important issues concerning the kids. Don't use the kids as your excuse to contact her. You need to meet and decide how to divide everything, and decide who take care of what bills. After that, I see no reason to contact her, being your children are as old as they are. But when you are in contact, remain civil, as long as she conducts herself in the same manner. If she turns b/tchy, then shut it down. WW's respect one thing.........and that is strength. If she has lost respect for you, then she will challenge your newly acquired self respect. Don't let her get the best of you. Keep your dignity and hold you head high. Don't compromise your core values and belief system just to make her make happy or to try to live with her. If she's not legit, then surely you don't want a woman who thinks so little of you and/or the MR......to throw it away from some guy at the grocery store. I'm not saying you have to stop loving her. But you need to stop demonstrating it for now. Love her from a distance.
Next link is detaching. It's not what most people initially believe when we sat detach. It's in your homework page. Also there is a link of WW threads I have, should you be interested in learning more about their mindset. The times you don't have the kids, get out of that house and GAL like there is no tomorrow. Stay with it and you'll see what a difference it makes in your life. It will help you find the guy you once were.
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Should I just be quiet and wait for her to contact/reach out to me? She is at work for another hour and then I know she will just be a her parents with our kids hanging out. Im not used to sitting in an empty quiet house so I usually got talk to an older friend of mine for a couple hours. This is so out of realm but think I can do this.
No, don't sit and wait on her. Get on with living your life. That's the point.......;.you no longer care and won't spend any time "waiting around" to see what she decides to do. I don't ordinarily tell new members to ignore their spouse, but in your case, I think your W needs a major wakeup call. In other words, she wanted a separation.........so, let her get the whole meal deal. This can work for both spouses, you know. I'm not suggesting you run and jump into an affair of your own. But it won't hurt for her to hear how you are being seen around time looking really fine in some new clothes. This may be the only chance you get to feel free to do whatever you want. So enjoy it.
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This is so out of realm but think I can do this. Did I mention she has stage 4 kidney failure and is on the list for a kidney transplant? Yeah, so thats coming up. I know were not doctors but do you think it might be effecting her behaviors or do you think this WW fantasy has taken over her mind? Thanks again for your input...Im going to work on it as we speak.
Yes, I am truly sorry about her kidney disease. I'm sure most everything has been centered around her condition. This may prove to be a real test for you, Lane, b/c even with a disease, she is capable of becoming involved with another person. She is capable of betraying her H and their M. She is capable to tearing apart a family with four kids. Therefore, when you are required to handle a situation with some b@lls, you can't back down and say, "but she has stage 4 kidney disease, so I had better lay down in my usual doormat style". The NGS plays to Christian men, and men who have a spouse with a disease.......and the NGS tells them this is the way they should behave with their W.......and it is ruining marriages across our country.
For now, work on following the rules; detaching; and GAL. If she contacts you, be nice and civil in you interaction, but don't over kill like "nice guys" do. You know what I mean.
I'm very tired and sleepy, so I hope my words are too scrambled to make sense. I'll try to write again tomorrow.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
