LANE, read the 37 rules. Make them your own, internalize them. The only contact you should initiate is necessary communication about the kids, otherwise, leave it alone. It's hard. You can't worry about her kidney thing right now either. I mean, sure, of course you'll be concerned for her and that's totally fine, but you have to let her face the reality of what you not being there for her other than for the kids means. Yeah, maybe "your W" is in there somewhere, but she's the only one that can find that person. You can't and it is pointless to try.
Just work on being the best you that you can be. If she notices and it gives her something to think about, then great. If not, you still have a life to live and kids to be there for and you and them need and deserve the best you possible.
Basically, put your MR concerns on the back burner. Focusing on saving the MR is only going to make you do the wrong things because you will feel a sense of panic or needing to do something because you will think time is of the essence. Let go, as much as you can, let go. When you do interact with your W, keep things brief but kind and polite and use good communication skills like validation and agreement where appropriate. No arguing, no pursuit, no convincing, no neediness or outward grief. Patience and perseverance. But most of all, patience.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
