Thank you for all of the posts. Lots to process and think about.
I think gottliebs article is a bit polarizing. I am very pragmatic, so i can appreciate and relate to what she is saying. I certainly do not think of myself as a unicorn, nor did i ever expect to find one. I dont think i would trust the unicorn because i dont believe it. A too perfect guy, would make me worry that he was a pedophile or winning me over with the sweet cycle. I understand that as human beings we are not perfect.
I cant speak for vanilla, but our relationship histories have some similarities. Possibly focus as well. We were in relationships with men that were deflecting and gaslighting. Leading double lives and hiding very destructive addictions. That type of psychological damage is profound. Because i was doubting my own reality for years. Those who corresponded with me back in 2015 might remember. This was going on since at least 2011 based on my financial records. Most likely longer. t is a horrible thing to doubt your reality. To know something is up, to bring it up and to be made the source of blame. To seek validation from the person lying to you.
So gottliebs article is addressing women that are being selective over issues like men peeing on the toilet seats. Thats not me. Thats not V. I think its more the fear of not knowing what is peeing on the toilet seat and what is underlying abuse. More like its ok to pee on the toilet seat but its not ok to pee on the toilet seat and make it out like i did it when i dont even have a penis so the likelihood is minuscule.
Does that make sense?
For me, i dont know if NG was just getting moody cause he doesnt handle travel well and lost patience with me and is that common after being together almost a year or is he being abusive and trying to distort my reality? Is he a decent guy that just has no filter or is he gonna psychologically damage my son and I? Thats really what is in my mind right now.
I talked to him and told him how i felt and why it was such a big deal to me. He wants to make it work with me and told me he needs to understand me better so he can fix things and that he is asking questions to know me better. I think that was a good sign.
My initial response was to think up every bad thing about him and obsess over it and avoid him and cancel plans that affected him and his family. I made it so he was dead to me in my mind. I just wanted to get away like don and focus said. And guess what? Even now im not sure if what i did was wrong, or do i just think its wrong cause i am being gaslighted.
