Feel like we should discuss more, and definitely MC. Artista do you have any other specific recommendations for "nipping this in the bud"
i think having the discussion with the guidance of the MC is vital... that way you can talk openly about what you see as red flags... and if she gets defensive, MC can help her see your perspective... and you need to lay it all out in MC... the going out to comfort a friend late at night while you were away--without telling you about it first... that should be a no-brainer... even between couples who don't have the issue of past infidelity--most would let the other spouse know, even if just for safety reasons... and don't forget about her self-image issues... those are important to bring up in MC... she needs to continue to work on that in IC--until she no longer has those issues...
re: talking with the doctor about his marital problems... she is not ready to be his support... first of all, it's not appropriate because of their business relationship... secondly, she is not on firm ground herself... not yet... there may come a day when the BOTH of you can lend your support based on your experience, but it is too soon... you two aren't there yet... and when you are, BOTH of you together can meet up with whomever to share your experience and offer your support... each of you could probably do one-on-ones with members of the same sex--only... otherwise, you do it together...
are you having date nights? is there an activity the two of you do together? H and i used to workout together... we have bowled together... played tennis together... go on drives to fruit stands and farmers' markets... wine tasting... stuff like that... since we've come back together, we like to cook together... i used to do all the cooking--which i love... but while we were separated, he learned to cook and finds that he really likes it... we have fun shopping for kitchen utensils and such... keep doing these types of things as you iron out the wrinkles with MC...
with MC, your W needs to KNOW that it is not acceptable to fall back into those patterns... as i have said many times, and now Steve has said it, Words Mean Something... what is spoken and what is left unsaid matter, and if she says she wants to be home at a certain time because she wants to spend time with you and sons, that means she has to miss out on a Wine Down if it so happens to start later... so be it... there will be others that she can attend... and maybe her office mates will try harder to keep to the schedule...
you are her priority and she is yours... your M comes first for both of you...
