WW-is there hope? Any advise from former WW's

[LANE777]

Sandi,
Since she told me on July 9 she wants a D. Not much as happened at far as talking about our MR. I can tell you what got her to say she wanted a divorce. I was having a day where I just wanted to know. So I called her. I told her that my family is the most important thing to me and I felt that she has had plenty of time and space to decide. I said It seems to me you would rather spend time with OM than with me. I then said so what are you thinking you want to do? She said well I have been decided for a while now that I want the D. I was floored. So I drove over there and we talked about allot of things. For instance why didn't you tell me you were so unhappy for all these years and we could have been working on all of this. Her reply was I have never been able to open up to you. She also said that everything she did was because it was what I wanted etc. I told her I didn't want the D and she kept insisting that this is what she wants and nothing will change her mind. A lot of other things were said and I tried to paint a picture of how hard it would be on us and the kids and she didn't care. A couple days later she called me at work. She said I want to tell you Im very sorry for hurting you so bad. Then she said a co worker told her that in a divorce I would most likely use the AP against her. I said I most likely would and that I would be getting a Shark for an attorney to protect myself and so on. A few more days go by and I find out in my state it really doesn't matter if theres an affair or anything they just split everything. So I call her and told her I wish we could sit down and discuss our assets and debts and basically said neither one of us can afford an attorney or a divorce right now. She mentioned she was going to a Class where they help you start the paper work. I told her that we need to be open on how we feel and maybe it would be easier on us and the kids before we go berserk on attorneys etc. I asked her to hold off on the class. She was very critical about what she said because I mentioned I had everything documented. Here is where I wish I knew what I know now. She told me that after our phone call about me hiring a shark, she said she didn't sleep or eat for 2 days and could focus at work or anything. So I feel like I had an upper hand and then gave it all away when I called and basically apologized for telling her I was going to go after her.
So that was about July 16. Since then, we met for dinner for my sons Bday. We met again the next day for Cake for about an hour. We've been civil and haven't talked about a thing. But we also don't say much to each other. Our texts are about the kids and once in a while about something else like so and so had a baby or she might ask a question about our car insurance. She is always saying thank you etc. We have a big family on both sides and she gets along really well with my sisters and my nieces lover her etc. We come for a religious back ground. We were married in our faiths Temple. So its like she is living this double life. She interacts on facebook and texting with our families but then has this AF going on behind the scenes that only a few really know about. She says this other guy she really likes him but not in love with him. She even says that she doesn't see her self with him but that could change. She also mentioned that she could drop him any time but I don't buy it. She said that out R was like this before and it would have happened either way. I know that is BS because of the journal entry my daughter found a few weeks back that said she had her eye on the OM for 2 years. So when she left it was easier for her to pursue OM in my opinion. She does love our children, but when there with me she tends to like her free time a little to much and my kids have a harder time gettin ahold of her. Usually its because she is hanging out at "a friends house". Anyways, I am at the point that I am trying to detach from her. I really started yesterday so she won't notice for a while. Also, while we were separated she planned a weekend for all of us and her side of the family at my sisters cabin in AUG. I was weak at the time and agreed to all of it. I guess I am going to GAL and when we all meet up I can be the more confident me and is moving on. Hopefully that works out. So Sandi, I am trying to paint a picture of my life in a few paragraphs. The kids went back to her today until basically Sunday. So Im pretty much by myself with a lot of time on my hands. Thanks for responding and thanks for your help.
LANE