WW having affair and pushing for divorce

[DB346]

Thanks for taking an interest R2C. I don't really know what type of support I need right now. At this point I honestly feel pretty detached from my WW. The more I've read about MLC, the more it seems pretty clear to me that this is what my W is going through. I'm just confused right now, because I am having a hard time deciding whether I feel I can actually stand for my marriage through this, or if I need to accept this as the end and begin to move on. I just don't know at this point if I can get past everything she's done, and continues to do, even if she ever does come around.

I've been doing as much as I can to GAL. Spending awesome, quality time with my son, spending more time with friends, reading and working out. I volunteered to serve at church at least one Sunday a month. Trying to meet some NEW people that don't know my W, so that I can spend time with them without talking about her. I'm in IC and have started taking ADs and I'm spending almost no time in the type of misery I was for most of the last 3 months, though I do still have moments where I feel sad.

My primary short term goal right now is to get a separation agreement finished, and secure 50/50 with my son. Once that is done, I will have a much clearer picture of what my time and financial situation is going to look like going forward and I will be able to think about things more than a few days/weeks ahead.

I have goals I want to reach in terms of my weight, strength (lifting) and health. Things that I fell away from when I was fighting a losing battle with depression. I have some projects at the house I want to do, but have been reluctant to because of the uncertainty of my financial situation.

There are a couple 'trips' I want to take my son on. A couple are short-term goals, one is a longer term goal.

In general, I feel like I'm in a MUCH better place this week than I have been since BD, but I don't fully trust it. For instance yesterday was the first day since BD (3 months) that I didn't shed a single tear. I virtually haven't today either, other than getting sad reading some of the posts on this board that remind me of what I'm going through. All I'm trying to do right now is live MY life, and keep getting better every single day. Keep being the best day I can be every single day. And NOT worry about what she's doing because there is nothing I can do about it.

It isn't hard to not worry about what she's doing anymore. Maybe because now I know what she's doing and who she's doing it with, or maybe it's because I'm finally letting go of the rope, but I don't actually find myself thinking about her constantly. I don't find myself missing her most of the times I think about her. I just find myself wanting to stay away from her, not talk to her and just let my lawyer work on getting the separation agreement done and waiting out the rest of the year required by our state to see what happens in that time. She'll either come around, or she will file for D. I don't expect her to leave it hanging in limbo any longer than she has to.