Just wanted to say I was over here cheering, "Bravo!" and "Hooray, Betsey!" the whole time I was reading your post to Randy.
I can relate to SO much of what you posted here and your approach. I've tried to approach my sitch in much the same way... I've felt so much of what you explain so eloquently!
Quote: All in all, I married a great guy. But he's fearful of what it might take to heal. He fears me never forgiving him. He fears that this will come up for years. He fears that he will lose himself by choosing to love me the way he wants to be loved.
This is exactly what I believe about my H-- my longtime best friend-- too. Unfortunately, I think he will keep moving FSA with the D. Seems I am off the agenda these days... I am struggling with whether I approach him with these things now.
Your D is most definitely better for the experience of watching her mother respect and love with dignity someone who has hurt her. My mom said to me the other day that watching me "do this" has taught her a lot about love and character. We too have grown closer, and that was a very meaningful thing to hear from my mom.
Randy, sounds like you are headed in the right direction. Be firm yet patient-- and I mean with yourself, too. Love the new name.
