betsey, Thanks for responding. First i may need help linking my old thread when i get locked out in current one. I have started reading your thread from the beginning. i printed it out. WOW, 72 pages. I'm half way thru. Good reading.
I have not become as strong as you yet, but i will get there. I have done alot of crying tonight for some reason. Maybe I'm starting to realize it is over. I signed the D papers that i missed the last time and mailed them to her today. You know my sitch pretty well, but let me tell you some things you may not know. My W has said only 1 mean thing to me during all this. She said i was no fun before she left, but she apoligized for it. Since she decided to leave she has not wavered on her decision. She has lied alot to me which is something she has never done before. she was the most honest person i know before this. I asked her once if she meant for better or worse and she said at the time she did.
She said last sat. that she still cares about me, but she is not in love with me and doesnt want to be married to me anymore. Well she has said she cares about her other XH and it sounds the same as how she cares about me. I know she only cares about him like you would your neighber. She doesn't want to see him have a bad life. It is more compassion than anything.
We were best friends before we got married. She's the closest friend i have ever had and she said the same of me before we got married. We dated 6 years before we were married. She even asked me out. Well thats nothing great she also chased after OM.
I know what you mean by realizing she is hurting too. I know she is and she is hurting for OM if it is over for them. I know my W and i know she did not do this for sex. she had to think there was a future with him. So she probably is not thinking of me much now. I have already forgiven her and told her so.
Wonder said something on your old thread that i have been thinking about my W. She may be afraid that she will love me again and that the marriage may work and will require a lot of face saving and backtracking from all of what she's been saying and doing. that sounds alot like her. It's why i don't have alot of hope. She runs from problems if it is too hard to do.
She deserves to be happy and i know she would be happy with me, but she has made up her mind and she is very stubborn.
She doesn't seem to realize how much I have lost. My family and my best friend. That's why it is so hard to realize I can't just call and confide in her. I cant' even call and say hello. She works next to me and i see her car every day and i can't go by her desk and wish her a nice day. Hell, i cant even email her.
She loved our house. We built it together and had fixed it the way she liked. It is one of the nicest houses in the neighberhood.
Wow, I'm glad i got that off my chest.
are you and H still Separated? Did he ever leave? How did you get him to move back in? If you want to lay it all on me in email that will be fine. rkwaugh@hotmail.com
I will try to lists some goals tomorrow at work. I may need your help with them. I'll put in on my thread if I don't get locked out of there.
Thanks a lot Betsey, you are a great friend. God Bless You, Girl.
