Hi MMM. Glad to see you back here. I'm new to this myself, as you know, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing. It sounds like there are a lot of changes your XF needs to make in his life, in terms of his behaviors, attitude, and parenting. He needs to figure that out on his own, in my opinion, while you focus on yourself and your children.
I have nothing to say on the last name thing other than I wouldn't make a decision about it right now. Status quo until you are less emotional about your sitch, would be my recommendation.
Thank you for your feedback. I was starting to wonder if others could see my thread. :+)
His last name was a hard decision for me. But at the time it seemed like the right one, still does I think.
I haven't heard anything from him in 4 days now. This is the longest we have gone without contact. It seems to help me as I'm not trying to decipher what he is saying.