Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[SteveLW]

40,

I just exchanged postsin Jlh's thread on this phenomenon where LBSs get too anxious when DBing starts to work, and then being pursuing and pressuring and see the WAS run the other way.

So yes, go back to DBing, removing all pressure and pursuit. At the same time, this may have been a temporary "moment". If you have read my sitch, my W had one last rebellion against R and the MR in mid-February. It happens as the WAS is juggling emotions and on their own emotional roller-coaster. It took a lot for the WAS to drop the bomb on BD, and it is just as hard to come back from those proclamations. Once we as humans say something, it is difficult for us to go back on it. Especially when it is as big as ending a marriage.

I sort of feel as though I'm building a house of cards and any bump in the road might cause it all to come crashing down again. Is that normal? And if so, will it go away? My biggest fear is being stuck this way forever.

Yes this is normal, especially during limbo when your DBing is making gains. Until you get more solid ground underfoot, you are unsure. It feels like BD2 is impending. Even initially into piecing and R it feels like the ground is still moving beneath you.

But yes it will go away. Either you will move on to full piecing and R with a W who is now fully committed back to the MR. Or you will be moving towards D. DBing is about preparing for both eventualities. Limbo always feels unsteady and unsure. But it is necessary in the process. Let the process work.

But yes, even when she starts to warm and move back towards the MR keep DBing. Read the distance-pursuit dynamic thread again. She will pull when you push, and push when you pull. Always be pushing!