Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

Okay, might be setback time. Two nights ago I woke up at 4am and W was gone from the bed. I found her asleep in the spare bedroom. In the morning, she claimed she couldn't sleep all night and was having an anxiety attack (had to be at some intense training drills early in the morning). She has been saying she has had horrible sleep since moving back to the bed and yesterday mentioned she might need to go back to sleeping separately. Obviously, I wasn't happy, and she wasn't up for discussing it. She told me she didn't want to have the same conversation we have had on repeat for months (R talk). She asked if I thought everything was just magically better and then expressed that she is feeling suffocated again and doesn't think it will ever change. Since she didn't want to talk, I just listened and let it drop.

She did sleep in the bed last night and commented that I wasn't on my phone before we went to sleep. Then, this morning she said she actually got a good night's sleep for once. Hopefully, she continues to figure out how to sleep well in our bed and the threat of re-separation doesn't become a real issue. However, I have to think that it has a lot more to do with how she is feeling about us than actual sleeping trouble (I do believe this is a real problem, but one that is used as the excuse). So, I'm trying to evaluate what has happened to cause her to pull back and do this turn around. I think I ran a little too far ahead with subtle pursuit (body language, physical touch, etc). I haven't initiated any R talks, or pushed for any physicality, but since things were going better, I have let some affectionate behavior reappear like touching her back or giving a hug. However, this was in response to her becoming more affectionate herself! Now I am frustrated with myself, but also the situation. I can't help but feel like everything will always be dictated by her mood swings.

I'm trying to not let the emotional rollercoaster fatigue me. I think the most important thing for me to do is, like it always has been, focus on bettering myself. Frankly, I have been exhausted lately. I've let my desk get cluttered and my productivity has decreased. All of this probably adds up and has a contribution. So, back to the basics. It's actually incredibly helpful to have a foundation to go back to when things start to get hairy. I'm going to metaphorically splash some cold water on my face and get back to top form. I'm going to worry less about the minutiae of the relationship stuff and dial back on all forms of pursuit, breaking Sandi's rules, etc. The part I could use advice on is, if things turn positive again, what should I do differently? Not reciprocate when she gets closer/warmer?

Last thought...I sort of feel as though I'm building a house of cards and any bump in the road might cause it all to come crashing down again. Is that normal? And if so, will it go away? My biggest fear is being stuck this way forever.