Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

all of those things with the Google search may be nothing right now, but little by little, these things could lead to tiny steps toward things that are not good for your M... it's the "blurred lines" that can be dangerous...

And we had yet another little thing tonight. She had not stayed after work with her coworkers for wine, nor even asked to do so since the blow up... about four months as you note. Tonight, she did. She asked me well in advance (last week) because her coworkers, particularly the one girl she is close with, the somewhat devoutly christian one, had been asking her repeatedly. So I said "Okay". After all, I can't control her and my conditions from the Spring had been no staying after in the short to mid term. We seemed to be in a more trusting place now, so... But it seemed to fall into the old pattern fairly quickly. She said "I wont be staying too long" and then one of the doctors (THE doctor) got held up in the OR. So W and the other girl decided to leave (W told me this in 5:30 phoncon). Then the practice manager came in with some telecom emergency concerning a different doctor who was supposed to be on call, and that took them 45 minutes to get ironed out (she also called me about this and i saw the email traffic with practice manager on our shared email account, so all legit). By that time, it's 6:30 and tempers over there are running high. My W and her GF are getting ready to walk out to go get a drink at nearby pub when THE doctor calls from the OR and says he's headed back, bringing two people, man and woman, from the OR staff over as well to join the wine down. So W calls me again at 7 to tell me "its on again, i wont be staying long, an hour at the absolute longest because i want to get home to you guys". At 8:20 she calls me back "Okay, i"m leaving in no more than 5 minutes, wanted to call you and let you know" (I had not gotten worried or upset, at that point, as it's a 20 minute drive from her office, so she was not technically overdue at that point. Then.... 40, yes FORTY minutes later, at 9:00, she calls me, obviously a bit tipsy, and tells me she in parking garage getting into car. She keeps me on phone for a good part of the drive, being very flirty and suggestive and solicitous and "Cant wait to see you", etc. I play it cool, but talk while she wants to. She gets call from her aunt just shy of house so we say goodbye. She stays on phone with Aunt into house and for about 20 mins more, hanging out next to me, touching me, groping me, grabbing my hand, etc. I still play it cool and she looks hurt. Once she gets off phone she says "Are you mad at me?" And i explain that yes, I am. "This is your old pattern. I am not upset that you stayed after... remember we talked about this earlier and i said i thought it would be okay... and even okay if you wanted to volunteer info to the troubled doctor about our MC if you thought it might help, in the vein of our experience being able to help others. BUT.. what i am upset about is that, once again, you stretched out the evening away with your work friends WAY past where you originally said it would end, and, at the end, you stayed way past when you explicitly said you were coming home." OR some such words as that (I dont have a great photographic memory), She says she's sorry over and over, that she just lost track of time, couldnt see the clock, her phone was plugged in behind doctors desk (though she grants she could have just said "let me see my phone i need to call home" and, eventually, when she realized the time, she left. At first, she said "Well, i just stayed like 5 or possibly 10 minutes past when i said..." It was FORTY MINUTES!!!! She seemed legitimately surprised at this and i showed her my phone to emphasize it. Anyway, she apologizes more, we talk some more and she says she's surprised i can like her so much, as "squishy" as she is right now (body image again). Last things she says are "Maybe we should just take every time i say and add 30 minutes to it" and then "No matter how late i am, I'll always come home to you."

At least this time it was a fairly big crowd, not just her and GF and the good doctor. OTOH, same doctor offered up, nearly unsolicited, personal info about his own MR just last week. W asked him "hows it going?" and he replied "Oh, you know, we have good days and bad days" referring to his W as he further explained when my W asked. (As a reminder, his W is apparently an alcoholic who is not currently interested in seeking treatment... one reason he keeps all the wine at his office, so he can drink without tempting his W and implicating her alcoholism.) Now, i have in fact recently told W that i think we should use our experiences to help others, even this doctor and his W, both of whom my W considers friends, but... I still get an itchy feeling about this doctor and his "friendship" with my W. I almost wish he would make an ill-timed move so she could see it for what (I think) it is but... ah well.

have you two continued with MC? i suggest you get back in there if you have not been going... and i suggest that you suggest to her that she continue IC because of her self-esteem issues... she ought not fight you on this... and you ought not back down... don't become complacent hoosjim who is afraid to rock the boat... you are very early in the piecing stage... i would hate for this to fall into another "false start..." as always, mis dos centavos...

we have discussed it and she is willing. just havent had the time with kids getting read for college and vacation and loan applications and etc etc. We really need to, though, i think.