Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 3

[Davide]

Thanks folks! I appreciate all the feedback here from different perspectives. It is important to hear that this is a normal part of the process. I was just reading an article which basically espoused the idea of trusting the process and not getting hung up on the results, i.e. it's the journey that matters not the destination. Right now I need to just trust this process. It really s@cks most of the time, but avoiding it, denying it or running from it are not real solutions.

LoneWlf, I got out for a 20 mile bike ride this afternoon after I arrived and that really did seem to help. Now that my driving is more limited I'm going to try to make scheduling in daily exercise a priority. It really functions like a form of meditation for me in that I can become completely lost in the moment, mindful of all the sensations in my body, the scents, the images in front of me, the wind in my face.

Hongaku, I hear you about the unhealthiness of self-loathing. I thought I had kicked that habit, but it came back with a vengeance with this kick of reality. It's not a place I want to stay in. I need to keep structures in place that keep me from dwelling there too long.

Benito, I certainly hope you are right. You certainly grab the silver linings of my posts.

Ste7e, I hear you. I don't see my W as toxic. I just don't think seeing her will help me on my journey right now.

Joseph, what exactly do you mean by "what Sandi has laid out?" I have followed the rules to a T (except for 33 - giving up hope, and 35 - backsliding from hard-earned changes)

Helena, thanks for checking in! Yeah, it feels like I have been on the road forever as well. The novelty of driving long distances and eating out every night had long since worn out. The final weeks I was really only enjoying the time that I spent reconnecting with old friends. The depression is definitely not linked to my parents' place as I have been in a low place for the past week and only arrived here today. I think my upcoming return to my house plays a part, my W's email about what she was taking from the house, and just the kick of the reality of my situation in general. I hope you are right about getting in the routine of returning to work and the exercise routine and social life that I had established post BD. I will definitely be relying on them to carry me through.