So all of July H was becoming more open and friendlier, even standing at the steps watching a few minutes of TV and commenting on it and starting conversations. I got a job and I didn't tell him at first since I was DBing. Its not huge pay but its tutoring and I love it. After I told him I got a job and how I love it, the next day he told me that he was going to start the paperwork for D. He just wanted to let me know so I wasn't shocked. I called him that night and kind of let him have it and cried. I know it's not the DB thing to do but I told him that I loved him, this isn't my H, etc. I know it wasn't the best thing to say to him but he just kept saying he was sorry. He says he's hoping that we can be friends and laugh and talk again. I had mentioned that I miss laughing and talking with him. I asked how that's possible after all of this. He also apologized for his mixed signals saying that hes just trying to do whats right in a bad situation that he caused. He says that he is a bad husband and probably a bad father.
Our mutual friend is worried for us both and called him this morning asking what is going on. He told her that he doesn't like feeling like he needs to leave the house and wishes he didn't. He told her some complaints like "I don't get him." "We never did anything over the weekend" "I don't like his mom" etc. He also told her that he thought at first maybe he was having a midlife crisis but realizes that he is just unhappy. She said he did not sound like my H whom ever all know and love at all and he sounds like a zombie.
She asked him about if he ever told me this stuff and he said no. She said that she knows I'm going to therapy and if he had ever thought about it. He told her that he agreed to go the one time I mentioned it was for me.
Later when he picked up our son for the night, I saw that I took a bunch of our photos down from the walls and he had another sad look. As they were leaving, I mentioned the therapy session I have tomorrow and asked if he'd still want to go with me like we talked about and he just had a blank face and looked upset. He left pretty quick. I know I freaked him out. I screwed everything up for DB.
Later he texted me and said hes not going with me to the session because he feels pressured to go and he feels it would give me false hope. I told him that I wasn't trying to trick him or anything I just figured that him being there telling me about leaving could help me process it better if my therapist was there to help me see something I'm not.
I basically then told him what I wanted to tell him at the session about how I pushed him aside for our son when he was born and it hurt him and I apologize and I wish we could have communicated our concerns more. Also how he was always kind to my mom and family but I was a little bratty with his mom and it hurt him as well and I understand his upset now.
I mentioned that I respect his wishes to separate and that I just miss laughing and talking with him and then hugs and how he was also pretty fun in bed.
I know I screwed up the DB, but he gets so defensive about therapy and talking about feelings. I just don't understand how he is apparently upset that he feels like he has to leave us and says that he wants us to laugh and talk again and be friends again like we were. I just don't get it, can someone help me understand this? Is this still part of his midlife/grief issues from his passed on brother and father and stress? How can a person leave and then say they basically hate the feeling and then wants to be friendly and happy and talk and laugh again, and also be upset when he sees that I took down some more pictures.
Together for 13 years, married for 8. H is 46 I'm 40 S is 6 Bombdrop in April 2018 Still in limbo as of 2019
