Coming out of the Fog

[Zues126]

I think Juju's on the money.

Many men walk away from a relationship at some point. Many will cheat. Some are physically abusive. Others have such extreme addictions they are totally destructive. And many more are very protective of themselves from women who are like this, looking only for casual hookups or arm's length relationships.

So if you find someone that doesn't fall into any of those categories and is a genuinely good person looking for a committed relationship, you have to make a choice. Make it work, or hunt for unicorns.

I don't believe in unicorns, and I believe the myth that they exist and everyone is entitled to one is the problem. This is the mentality that leads people to walk out on marriages and spend their lives single because reality doesn't measure up to the fantasy we're told we deserve.

My best friend compromised in several important areas with himself when he met his wife. There wasn't much chemistry. She doesn't show him love the way he receives it. He feels lonely and hurt because she doesn't understand who he is and what he needs or is suffering through. BUT- he married her because she is strongly religious and is a family therapist, and he figured she was the 'safe reliable' choice. Guess what? They are still married, and are about the only couple I know that I would consider 'happily' married. They have inside jokes. They take trips together. They raise kids together. They watch Netflix together. They go out to eat, and buy each other anniversary gifts, and live a good life together. Does he still feel hurt, misunderstood, and lonely at times? Are there times when it's so rough that he feels he made a mistake? Of course. But THERE IS NO MARRIAGE WHERE THESE FEELINGS DON'T EXIST. As far as I'm concerned, he made a great decision because she hasn't BD'd him, cheated on him, or stabbed him with a kitchen knife. This is best case scenario guys.

Meanwhile my sister had a guy like that she divorced 10 years ago because she felt unsatisfied and bored. She got together with an exciting bad boy, turned out he was abusive and after that ended she said it was the worst 6 years of her life that almost killed her. Then she was with the man she wanted to start a family with and marry this summer, but oh yeah, he overdosed on heroin and died, so now she is without her man and too old to have kids.

JJ, I like where your head is at. I agree that dating is about finding someone that works, but in marriage you have to not sweat a lot of things. Those things can either be adultery and abuse, or they can be impatience and abrasiveness. Of course you don't like it. I promise there are things he doesn't like about you. The question is could it work? Because if the answer is yes, then you've already found your unicorn.

Don't get me wrong, if you hate the guy and dread seeing him every day then yeah, no need to torture yourself. But if things are good overall and you just need to suck it up once in a while and vent to a friend, that's as good as it gets.

Now the rest of the board can tell me what bad advice that is and I can bow out and go back to my bunker and let everyone else give you directions to the fabled land of unicorns...