WW-is there hope? Any advise from former WW's

[AndrewP]

Sometimes I think.."she is making the biggest mistake of her life and she will regret all of this" am I right?

Yep - you are right. That is what you are thinking. She's not at this point.

My friend exquisitetobe posted this to me earlier this week. Something to think on for you perhaps Lane777

think about it Andrew..

Your ex left with the milk man.. or should we say/ the milk man left with a married woman. hummm??.. that is a fact they both have to deal with. I am pretty sure it is in the back of their minds once in awhile.

Her affair started roughly 3 years ago. Bomb-day for me was a bit over 2 years ago. In the many stories I've read here and elsewhere, spouses who have affairs sometimes "win" and go off to a lovely sparkly life. In a number of cases like with perhaps my ex things don't turn out the way that they hope. That doesn't mean that they come back. The path home from infidelity requires either courage and humility or a sense of entitlement. Many don't have the mental fortitude to walk the first path. Those who walk the second are at high risk to dash off again.

Do they actually feel regret? In those dark hours when they are alone with the choices they have made? If what I've heard through the grapevine is true, yes my ex-wife does have regrets. But they are regrets about the impact of her choices on her. Not on those who were left behind.

If you look around here, there are indeed stories where the wandering lamb has found it's way back to the fold. For those whose situation is so dire that they have ended up here on an online peer support forum it is rare. PsySara might be a recent example of one of those. Gordie is one whose situation is still in doubt even though his wife has returned to him after a fashion.

I don't mean to be a downer. I just want to give you my - perhaps somewhat cynical - point of view that the odds are long.

A very wise man who used to be here but passed on a while ago called Jack_Three_Beans gave me this piece of wisdom. I miss him an awful lot. He was - if you will pardon the pun - a giant of a man to me.

So about that pride thing.

Here is my horrible secret.

Cavet first.

I was going to be a better person no matter the outcome of this. I knew it. Even if she didn't come out of her MLC...I would be great.

Here is the horrible pride part.

I had a saying I used often. I'm not certain if I am going to say it 100% correctly.

Whether it is a 1 in 100 chance of saving your marriage or a 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance of saving your marriage it doesn't matter the end number, what matters is the first number.
Be the 1.

My sin was knowing that I would be the 1. That was my pride.

Let it be yours.