sjohns6 - if you are thinking about something, it is not trivial – it is important.

You are correct that pursuing behavior and pressure can have the unwanted effect of pushing her away. Pretty cool that you are considering that you may be caught up in pursuit without realizing it.

You offered pizza as you would to anyone. No real problem there for rational people.

You stated - She of course declined. Why “of course”? Did you expect her to decline? How about “She of course accepted”. Is that not a possibility in your mind?

Expectations.

She is irrational, so it will be very hard to get a read on if she would or would not want to do something.

I think you would like to offer - being nice to her. Try to do it the least pursuing manner, letting her think it is her idea kind of a way.

Maybe something leading like:

- There is lots of pizza.

- Have you eaten yet?

It is not an actual invitation and if she wants she can ask or offer to join the family. This also gives you an out if her response is argumentative or such.

This might help with letting go of expectations. You hope she wants to join you and kids. You are just asking if she is hungry and seeing where it goes from there.

Nice to see you got two nights with yiur kids instead of one. Don’t think you expected that.

Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.