Letting the sadness in is just fine, it's the self-loathing that isn't. Since I started medication and IC, the self-loathing has gone away entirely and the lack of self-esteem was easy to start rebuilding. I'm still devastated over the sitch, but I never direct the anger inward. I have regrets and wish I could go back and do several things differently and sooner, but I can forgive myself for it and I don't berate myself over it like I would have in the throes of depression. As someone who carried that pain around for more than 30 years, the difference now is undeniable. I was afraid of seeking help and afraid of therapy and medication. I was wrong to be.
The pain is going to happen, the emotional meltdowns will happen. But you need to address it when it turns into self-loathing and your self-esteem is suffering. Fear is okay, fear is going to happen, but if it becomes uncontrollable and you are doubting yourself this much, then it's not okay. You can get through this. You WILL get through this. Don't worry about if you are detached enough or not, it will happen eventually. Be strong, Davide. Dig deep. Do the yoga, meditation and exercise; I sincerely hope it helps enough. But don't let the depression linger too long unaddressed!
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
