She has so much guilt (even more, now, since the A-- she's still not going to communion regularly) from her upbringing and things she's done in the past, that the message that she is ALREADY FORGIVEN, if she accepts that Christ and accepts that forgiveness would just be so freeing for her... the person she would/could be would be just amazing. I see glimpses of that person sometimes, the capacity for love and joy, but it is dampered by her guilt. OTOH, she is very, very, very Catholic.
I Jn. I:9 says that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. What a promise!!! She has to get her feelings of guilt out of the way, and focus on the promise and believe that God will do what He said He'd do. To believe in that one verse of scripture, requires faith. In other words, a person confesses (names the sin) and then by faith believes they are forgiven, based on God's own word. Christ was judged for those sins and He died for them. Some people try to add some type of works (good deeds, suffering, etc.) to get good enough to deserve forgiveness.......and that is not what the Word says. We can never become good enough, and that's why Christ died in our place, b/c He was the only acceptable sacrifice. Our part is "believing" that we are forgiven for Christ's sake. To believe that the work was done on our behalf and all we are required to do is accept it.
My heart goes out to your W, and how I wish she would seek spiritual counsel. If I had to guess, I'd say she has a problem with the forgiveness b/c she is thinking that God looks upon her and sees the sin she has committed. She sees herself as being unworthy of forgiveness by Holy God, and thinks that's how He sees her, as well. However, when God looks upon her, He sees where that sin has already been judged, and price has already been paid, and she is forgiven through Christ, His Son. In other words, when God looks at her, He sees her covered by the blood of Christ.
After my own EA, my biggest problem was forgiving myself. Considering what I've just said in the previous paragraphs, it sounds quite arrogant to say I couldn't forgive myself. However, I did struggle with it for a time. I thought I was doing okay until my mother passed away. The remorse returned and hit me so hard! It made the mourning period extra difficult for me. Less than a year later, my D passed away, and I experienced the same terrible feeling of regret. I had played an important role in both of their lives, and I felt I disappointed them greatly. If my H passes before I do......IDK how I'll get through it. I know I have been forgiven by God, and by my family. I just don't know that I will ever reach the point that I don't feel that deep remorse. It's not a daily thing, now, but it's still there.
I know what you mean by it would be so freeing for her, if she could accept Christ's forgiveness. I agree that it would free her, spiritually. I just don't know if that releases the feelings of regret. I once thought it did, but now I think there are some things we can do that we will always regret. I don't dwell on it. I don't beat myself up. But I still deeply regret it.
My concern for your W is how this ties in with her previous hangups about guilt, religion, good girl vs bad girl, etc. Her EA seems to have been added to her list of previous issues. Do you think her resentment is toward the Catholic teaching, or just religion in general?
As a footnote, I'm glad to hear things are still good. If you feel things slump, then think of something to do that may be unusual, funny, a bit out of character or the norm. You have to intentionally add some spice to the MR.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
