Friends: Season 2--The air has cleared

[holdingon]

Meredith,

WHAT sucks? What is it really? What if... you accept what is as it is... Ah, such a simple answer...

I have spent well over a year fighting this whole thing. Lots and lots of energy have gone into worrying, thinking, worrying... then, of course, the answer quests, which in one way or another usually end up with the "I'm happy" crap, followed by the, you guessed it, feeling crappy crap.

SO... I have decided to get a life. Now, I have been saying this all along, over a year publicly here on the board. But now I mean it... doing what I want to do, going where I want to go, without thinking about Hs plans. Trying very hard not to think about H at all... As you so eloquently put it:

And I am working very hard at obtaining a new life for myself. I'm going back to school in the fall, for a career change. I am working on doing something garden-ish with the back yard this year (my old method was a border of begonias and calling it quits). I am walking a lot more than I ever have (there is something to be said for an activity that allows you to confine both children, keep them completely in your site and get exercise at the same time. God bless the double jogging stroller). And soon I am going out for drinks and shopping with my DB buddy, Pam! Yeah, she doesn't know it yet;

So, do more and more of this, or more and more of anything that YOU want to do and are comfortable (i.e. NOT thinking about H or sitch... or thinking about them less and less).

Your illustration of the exercise bike was right on. And we can be frustrated at the bike that it never seems to get anywhere, or we can accept it for doing what it was designed to be. Our Hs just CAN NOT act like Hs right now. Fair? No. Fun? No. But it is as it is.

Until we are SURE that it is over, let's try VERY hard to find JOY in our lives. For me it has been a renewed relationship with God, and finding myself... You will find it too.

While WE tend to think in concrete terms like a year, etc., I'm not sure they think in these terms at all.

If this limbo does nothing but strengthen us for an eventual D, well even that would make it time well spent. But what if we came out stronger, more self assured, more confident? Better moms, better friends, better confidants? Less angry, less anxious, less concerned about those little things that just don't matter? Comfortable with ourselved, by ourselves, knowing that there is just not too much we can't do or endure. Well, that would be a pretty awesome thing, no matter how much time it takes.