WAW - Managing Limbo Period Pt 2

[40free]

Neffer - I think you are right. I need to be friendly but not her friend.

Aside from the guilt she is clearly experiencing regarding the kids (not about me and my feelings though), she does need to face the reality of all the other things she'll have to do on her own. I'm trying to be strong, I really am, but reality is hitting hard for me too, and in my quiet moments, when I'm on my own with my thoughts, I do have meltdowns and the tears flow. I guess that's only natural and healthy to let it out, but it shows I'm still in a lot of pain - not just because of what's happening with the kids, but because of what her leaving means to me and about me, personally - how it means she no longer loves me, and she'd rather cause all this pain and suffering than spend any more time with me. It hurts. It does. But I do pick myself, I am trying to move on, GAL, detach etc. It's just at the moment, it's all in my face the whole time - she walking around proud as punch, the kids in pain, she's house-hunting, I'm working on getting a larger mortgage to keep our house and buy her out... planning for mediation..I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

You say you both are done. Are you?

I think she is. Completely. The way she is carrying on. I said I was because being with her behaving as she was towards me was just untenable. It had to stop. Had to. I was miserable, and so was she. At least this way there is hope for us both. And if she does get her freedom and it's not all that its cracked up to be, maybe she'll come back. But I really don't think so, and I'm not holding on to any hope at all. OK, maybe a tiny bit, but that will fade with every day that goes by I think. I will let her go. I will. It makes me so sad, but I will let her go.

I'm trying to be strong for my kids. They need to see I'm ok. We're ok. So they'll be ok. And we will be. It's just going to take time.