Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[SteveLW]

NEVER DISCUSS RELIGION. LOL I will try not to break it. But your last paragraph really spoke to a red flag, one that I like to discuss with soon-to-be married couples. Before marriage is where a lot of that should be worked out. The problem is that when we are young and in love religion isn't as important to us. Then when kids come along, and as we get older and our mortality is more, ummmmm, pressing? we suddenly start thinking about it a little harder.

This is where I break my bolding a bit. And I do not mean to kick off a theological discussion, but if we base our decisions and (SHOCK!) beliefs on the teachings of the Bible (and for Christians the NT in specific) we short-circuit a lot of these later problems. You converted to the RCC for expediency. Likely that will give you a bit of heartburn for the rest of your life. The problem with any denomination is that they part ways with NT teachings (in fact, being a denomination is in of itself a departure from the self-autonomous congregations we see in the NT). My point is not to quibble over beliefs but to encourage others to set aside history (she grew up RC, I great up XYZ), but to get back to the Book for the determination about what is right and proper.

Stepping down off soapbox..............obviously this is much easier to see 30 year on, than it was when we were in our 20s and falling in love. And we were willing to become anything short of Satanists to satisfy the love of our life! But the point is that we have to really be careful that these decisions don't cause resentment. Resentment, however small at first, has a habit of growing big overtime.

On your other points, all are very understandable. You are right, curiosity about old flames is counter-productive. Also, the problems with infidelity is that it is always there in the back of your mind. You probably will think back to it every time something as simple as the location of that infamous beach trip is brought up.

I know in my sitch, there are songs that my W sang with her EA partner that I still can't listen to. Maybe never will be able to. The memory of the pain and hurt will always be attached to it.

HJ, sometimes staying together is harder than splitting up. This board is full of posters that are experiencing that difficulty. The way forward is tough. You and I that have gone through it realize that R is not without its own pain. Pain that likely will be there for quite sometime. I've known people whose spouse cheated 30-40 years ago, that have been in R ever since that still have hangups over it. It is hard. It is tough. It is grueling. And while MR 2.0 (and in my case 3.0!) is better than MR 1.0, there is still the pain of the memories of MR 1.0.

Any newbies that think that R is all roses and butterfly kisses.....I wish. While the first 3 months of my sitch was the toughest thing I've ever had to go through, the 4 months since haven't been easy. Be ready to put your big boy or girl boots on even if your sitch moves to piecing. (Piecing is so aptly named!!)