Hoosjim's 16th. Looks like we're piecing, folks.

[hoosjim]

Also, I know from past experience that the draw of OM is a difficult thing for women to break. Even if they break contact, there is still curiosity there. Think about girls/women from your past. Depending on the level of your R with them there is probably some curiosity there about them. I know I still have that for women from my past. So it isn't unusual. I say all that to say that is probably all that the search was, curiosity.

Thanks, Steve, that's a great contribution and a great point. I, too, actually wonder about old "flames" from time to time, even to the point of doing FB searches or the like just because i wonder. Seems harmless enough but, still... I do recall one of my patterns from the bad old days was being a bit too interested in other women... even women from my past, and i would bring them up from time to time with W... not even sure why. And my sense is is that while, perhaps mostly harmless, it is not completely harmless. At least with me. I think i can safely say that it definitely did not do anything to strengthen my MR with my W and the way i felt about her. idk. But, yeah, i suppose it is to be expected. I imagine that that sort of thing is something we will talk about once we have our next MC session. I know there are things that have come up that still give me a bit of a sting... such as my inadvertently driving us by OM's house while following GPS directions the other day, or when one of her GFs who was on the much-discussed beach trip last summer (where she saw OM) posted a pic on FB from that weekend with the message "Let's go here again real soon!" (Really? She knows exactly what went on there with my W and OM, and that i am now on W's FB feed. Maybe she doesn't know i know but... still.. doesn't make it any better)

Also, some more color: We actually talked about the thing with the Masseuse and the business card. (We do talk alot more these days than we ever have... even about difficult things.) She (W) said that when she found the card she did have one of those "feeling bad about herself" moments as well as thoughts of doubt about me and what i might be up to. and that she felt "jealous." Then she said that meeting up with her GF, who had already been drinking, was a bit tipsy (this other girl is not much of drinker so probably wouldn't have taken much) was good because the GF was very funny in her tipsy state and it lightened her (my W's) mood. My W also said that she had been feeling bad about making those comments to me about "my little masseuse" and the like, because she knows it is similar to things she said in the past and knows it probably made me feel bad or uncomfortable. For my part, i said i could understand why she might worry, given what we had just gone through, but that she needn't worry and that i am totally committed, and that in case she was at all uncomfortable with it that i would find another therapist, either male or else a big, hulking, manly woman... preferably with facial hair. (This made her giggle.)

We still pray together every night,

This is something i really wish we were more connected on. Our faith, and the extent to which we shared it, has always seemed a little, idk, uncomfortable maybe? She was born and raised roman catholic, and i was raised in a protestant faith. I joined her church after we were married and had our first child, partially because i wanted to avoid sending mixed messages to our children and wanted us all to be able to participate in whatever church we joined (although this was prolly a non-issue if i'd thought about it-- her parents were actually also a "mixed" marriage with her father a protestant who never joined the RCC) and partially because there were certain tenets of the catholic faith that i found attractive-- particularly that it didn't seem to change or "flex" to reflect the whims of pop culture or modern society. As our kids grew and went through CCD class, however, i started to have a few concerns, and realized (or at least believed) that my own beliefs posed some theological contradictions with roman catholicism. This ended up creating some friction between she and me, particularly when the kids would ask questions about particular tenets of the faith (at least as taught by our church) with which i was not completely on board. Nonetheless, i feel my years in the RCC definitely helped my faith to grow in a number of ways, and was an important part of my spiritual journey. Lately, beginning shortly after BD last year, i have spent some time in another nearby church (non-denominational), and still tune into their services either live or via podcast as i am able to on Sundays, even as i do attend mass with my family (when we can all be rounded up.) My stance and view on theology has become alot more, idk, "flexible"(?) I guess. I think God comes to different people in different ways, and that the fundamental tenets of Christianity are much more similar than dissimilar, despite what various faiths and denominations might say. The most important and fundamental underpinnings are identical and inviolable-- and i think the specific practices are not nearly as important as the core beliefs. At any rate, i no longer object to my sons performing certain rituals in the church-- if it works to bring them closer to God, i'm all good with it. But somehow my W and i have never gotten to that point where we regularly pray together. It's always seemed just a little awkward the times we do it. Perhaps it has to do with her coming from a fairly rigid catholic background with "Set" prayers for most occasions (she has always says she finds it a little annoying when people can just sprout out spontaneous/extemporaneous prayers that are "just the perfect thing to say at the moment" because she could never do that). Or perhaps, that i did not come from an evangelical background, and that prayer in my circles growing up was almost always done silently. Whichever, it is something i would LOVE for us to be more comfortable with and be comfortable doing together, just not sure how to get there. Would also love for her to come to this other church with me some time, not to try to "convert" her, but just to hear the message from this particular pastor, who is just extremely positive and warm and always seems to find a way to speak to what is going on in one's life and heart. I think that would also help us both to step out into some sort of philanthropic outreach efforts, something we have both talked about through the years but have never seemed to get around to for the most part. (A handful of years we "adopted a family" through a friends church and bought food and holiday decorations and a tree and the like at christmas, but that's been it.) Love to hear anyone's thoughts on this because i think it could really, really be the final "cement" in our relationship.

Love you guys, and thanks again for all the support!