I am going to try and spell it out the best I can. She is not or has not been a touchy feely person and has really initiated no physical contact with me whatsoever. When we did kiss on Friday I initiated the first one and then she went back in for a more forceful second one which was something I hadn't seen before.
I just get the impression she is struggling with all of it. My neighbor told me that her husband was a very big guy and after he died she lost a ton of weight. Maybe she is shell shocked that I would be interested in her...not sure but I kind of get that impression that maybe she is lacking in confidence and feels weird about it. IDK just a feeling I have...she has also not ate a meal around me in two dates. The first date she had chips and gauc.......the second date some nachos and the comedy club along with some more gauc at the restaurant. I am hammering down and she seems to not be hungry...........not judging but all of this weighs on me.
She texted me on Sunday morning and asked me if I was going to church. I told her I was and asked her to meet out front in the lobby after it was over. We did, chatted for a few minutes but you could tell it was very awkward for her. She stood with her arms crossed the entire time and sent me a text afterwards indicating that her talking to me in front of people that knew her story (being a widow) was good for her. She has been going to that church for many years so everyone knows her story and it is probably the first time they have seen her speak to another man.
Last night my oldest daughter had volleyball practice at the YMCA and she told me she was going to some aerobics class there. I initially had a blonde moment and did not put 2 and 2 together so when I arrived to drop her off I saw her checking her kids in. She did not see me but I was like crap.....so I shot her a text to let her know and then when I went back to pick up my daughter we ran into each other in the lobby made very brief small talk because our kids were around and then she sent me a text saying that was fun, I thought about hiding but didn't so that's good. I just responded back with a no hiding! I meant it as a joke but I know I should have validated however I feel like I have done a lot of validating with her already.
Obviously this is new to her but the lack of confidence is kind of a turn off as well. I know it's situational and she had no idea when she met someone that the person she met would go to the same church and live .3 miles from each other and could run the risk of seeing each other not dressed up but it happened. So there is this stuff coupled with her not overly engaging with me physically (I am sure she has not had sex with anyone since her husband died) and her making comments about still getting upset about him from time to time that just kind of makes it hard for me, giving me the impression that she is trying to move forward but all of these are firsts for her.
I understand firsts are going to happen but I guess a part of me feels like they shouldn't be so obvious. When we first met I was not also like overwhelmed with attraction. I don't sit there and stew about her all day long, wanting to plot and scheme to see her. I do think about her but it's not this toe curling experience where I can't wait until we are together again and I am fantasizing about tearing her clothes off, etc. etc. etc.
So all of this combined has made me just like....ugh, not fun. I am kind of stuck and I feel more pressure because of us having mutual friends and going to the same church.
