Wow, that was quite a turnaround. From her wanting to work on things to you guys telling the kids you are done. Likely that was where she was having her hangup, knowing that was going to be difficult. I struggle with how to handle all of that. On one hand you want to keep it between you and W, keep it to the script as you and her laid out, and not burdne the kids with details. On the other hand, making it to easy on her results in exactly what you are seeing. W is let off the hook, doesn't have to face her actions or the face consequences for it.
However, if your ultimate goal is still R, then taking the first tact (which you did) is probably the best approach.
40, is your W's A still ongoing? If so, people are not dumb. Once she is on her own and in the arms of OM, people will put 2 and 2 together.
I still agree with your approach on friends. No need to out her as and adultress right now. That will keep the chances of R open. The truth will come out in time if R never occurs.
40, a bit of hope. My W early in our sitch was like your W. She was very excited to be looking at apartments. Discussed logistics about furniture with me. "You were going to get new family room furniture anyway, so I figured I could take the furniture in there for my apartment." She also threw herself into finding jobs, though even that showed WW fantasy fog as she was convinced she'd find a work from home job that completely supported her. But I just validated her feelings in all of this. As reality started to set in her excitement waned. She asked me how much utilities were. She asked me how much we budgeted for this category or that category. She started to realize that work from home job weren't paying nearly enough for her to be self-sufficient. The idea of having to get up early every day and drive into an office (and as an introvert, interact with coworkers in person) started bringing her back to earth. I saw the wind go out of her sails. And she did go into a bit of a depression for a few weeks as she felt "stuck" and "trapped".
That is where my positive changes came into play. As she started to see staying less "stuck" and "trapped" and more of the brightest potential for a happy future. That took some time (thought it was quicker than most people see it occur), but she eventually embraced that bright future as one she wanted and wanted to work towards.
Your W has a lot of "reality" to come to grips with yet. So there are still a lot of opportunities to wake up and reconsider. I am not trying to give false hope, but I am trying to show you that you should still have some hope of R. I know it feels so far away with telling the kids and her seeming excitement at looking for a house, but I do not think this is the end yet.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
